Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 자연스럽지 않고 문법 오류와 어순 문제가 있습니다. 또한 이유를 말할 때 구체성이 부족합니다. 응답은 주제 문장으로 시작하고, 한두 개의 구체적 이유나 기억을 연결어(with linking words)와 함께 제시하세요. 예: ‘I liked going to parks when I was a child because…’, 그리고 ‘because’, ‘such as’, ‘and’ 같은 연결어를 사용해 문장을 매끄럽게 만드세요.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child because I enjoyed being close to nature. For example, I liked listening to birds and climbing trees, and playing outdoors with my friends made those visits very memorable.

提案: 말이 많이 끊기고 ‘uh’ 같은 기계적 표현이 자주 나오며 문장 완성도가 떨어집니다. 질문에는 직접적으로 답하고, 구체적 이유나 빈도(예: how often)나 활동을 추가하세요. 연결어(‘especially’, ‘because’, ‘for example’)를 자연스럽게 사용하고 감정 표현은 한 문장으로 정리하세요.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, and I especially like camping there because it helps me relax. For example, I often go camping on weekends to enjoy hiking and sitting around the campfire with friends.

提案: 질문을 제대로 이해하지 못한 듯 보이며 오타(‘sparks’ 대신 ‘parks’)와 문장 구성이 문제입니다. ‘Would you like to see more parks’는 찬반과 이유를 묻는 질문이므로 명확한 의견(Yes/No)과 이유를 주고, 도시의 예시를 덧붙이세요. 연결어로 ‘because’나 ‘for example’를 쓰면 좋습니다.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green spaces for relaxation and exercise. For example, Chinju Castle Park and Warazan Park are great, but more small neighborhood parks would be useful.

提案: 문법적 오류(‘want to going’ → ‘want to go’)와 문장 단절이 있습니다. 공원에 가고 싶은 이유를 구체적으로 말하고 연결어를 사용해 논리를 완성하세요. ‘because’로 이유를 설명하고 ‘for example’나 활동을 덧붙이면 좋습니다.

例: I would like to visit Central Park in the future because it is famous and offers peaceful green areas. For example, I want to walk around the lakes and rent a boat to enjoy the scenery and feel a sense of freedom.

× I liked going to parks and I was young because I love trees and birds and then I love outdoor.

✓ I liked going to parks when I was young because I loved trees and birds and I loved being outdoors.

Tense inconsistency and word choice: 'I liked' (past) should match 'when I was young' and the verbs describing feelings at that time should be past tense ('loved'). 'Then' is unnatural here; use 'when' to link to childhood. 'Outdoor' is a noun/adjective misuse; correct phrase is 'being outdoors' or 'outdoor activities'. Use consistent past tense for clarity.

× I still like going to parks, uh, especially I like going to camping. Uh, camping is my. Happiness.

✓ I still like going to parks; especially, I like going camping. Camping is my happiness.

Verb and noun usage: 'going to camping' is incorrect — use 'going camping' or 'going on a camping trip'. 'Camping is my. Happiness.' has incorrect punctuation and article; combine into one sentence 'Camping is my happiness.' Maintain present tense 'like' and correct collocation.

× I like sparks in my city. Uh, my city is Chinju Castle and Warazan parks. I love my city's parks.

✓ I like parks in my city. My city has Chinju Castle and Warazan parks. I love my city's parks.

Word choice and article errors: 'sparks' is a misspelling of 'parks'. Sentence 'my city is Chinju Castle and Warazan parks' incorrectly uses 'is' (be) to list parks; use 'has' or 'includes'. Ensure plural 'parks' and correct noun order.

× I want to going to Central Park in the future. Uh, Central Park is very famous and very peaceful and. Freedom.

✓ I want to go to Central Park in the future. Central Park is very famous, very peaceful, and feels freeing.

Incorrect verb form: after 'want to' use the base form 'go', not 'going'. 'and. Freedom.' is a fragment; express the idea properly, e.g., 'and feels freeing' or 'and gives me a sense of freedom'. Maintain future intention with 'want to' plus base verb.