Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., "the parks" vs "parks") and fix small errors like "I and on weekends" → "on weekends."

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often played soccer with my classmates after school and on weekends, and we sometimes had picnics with close friends, which created many happy childhood memories.

提案: Improve fluency and reduce hesitations. Use a clear topic sentence and link supporting details with connectors (e.g., "for example" or "also"). Use more natural verbs ("refresh" is okay but "relax" or "unwind" is more common). Correct small grammar issues: "when at park" → "when I'm at the park."

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax after a busy week. For example, I often sit in the sun and read, and sometimes I take a walk or have a quick lunch there.

提案: Focus on accuracy and clear vocabulary. Fix word choices and grammar: "contraction of skyscraper" → "construction of skyscrapers," "fewer fragrance" → "fewer places," and complete the final clause. Begin with a direct opinion, then give two specific reasons, linked with connectors like "because" and "also."

例: Yes, I would. I think more parks are needed because the construction of skyscrapers has reduced green spaces, leaving fewer places for children to play. Also, new parks would improve air quality and provide safe places for families to relax.

提案: Clarify the place and correct vocabulary and pronunciation errors. Provide one clear reason and a specific detail. Replace unclear words ("Chibafrika," "waters rise," "Sri rice") with accurate terms and avoid excessive fragments. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I'd like to visit a water park in Chiba, Japan, which has many long water slides and exciting rides. I'm really looking forward to going there with my family next summer because my children love water attractions.

× I really loved going to the parks when I was a child.

✓ I really loved going to parks when I was a child.

Use plural/singular correctly: 'parks' without the definite article is natural when speaking generally about parks you visited as a child. 'The parks' implies specific parks already known; the context is general memory, so 'parks' is better.

× I often played soccer and spent time with my classmates after school and I and on weekends.

✓ I often played soccer and spent time with my classmates after school and on weekends.

There is an extraneous 'I and' fragment that breaks sentence structure. Remove the extra words to create a parallel list: 'after school and on weekends.' Ensure items are coordinated correctly.

× I also enjoyed having picnics with my close friends, so going to the parks reminds me of childhood memory.

✓ I also enjoyed having picnics with my close friends, so going to parks reminds me of childhood memories.

Two issues: plural forms are needed. 'Going to parks' for general reference and 'childhood memories' (plural) because there are typically multiple memories. This fixes number agreement.

× Yes, I I still like going to parks because I can refresh and retouch after my busy week.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks because I can refresh and recharge after my busy week.

There is a duplicate 'I' and word choice errors. 'Refresh and retouch' is incorrect collocation; use 'refresh and recharge' to mean rest and regain energy. Also keep present simple 'like' to match habitual action.

× Umm when at park I usually read books under the sun and sometimes I go for a walk or go for lunch for a little bit.

✓ When I'm at the park, I usually read books in the sun and sometimes I go for a walk or go out for lunch for a little while.

Missing subject and article: 'when at park' should be 'when I'm at the park' or 'when I'm at a park.' 'Under the sun' is acceptable but 'in the sun' is more natural. 'Go for lunch for a little bit' is clumsy; use 'go out for lunch for a little while.' Also add commas and contraction for clarity.

× Yes, I would. I definitely think more parks are needed because the contraction of skyscraper has reduced green spaces in the city so there are fewer fragrance for children to play sports.

✓ Yes, I would. I definitely think more parks are needed because the construction of skyscrapers has reduced green spaces in the city, so there are fewer places for children to play sports.

Multiple errors: 'contraction' is wrong word; use 'construction.' 'Skyscraper' should be plural 'skyscrapers.' 'Fewer fragrance' is incorrect; 'fewer' must modify countable nouns; 'fragrance' is uncountable and inappropriate. Use 'places' for locations where children can play. Also add comma before 'so' for clarity.

× New parks would also improve air quality and provide present places for families to.

✓ New parks would also improve air quality and provide pleasant places for families to enjoy.

'Present' is the wrong adjective; likely intended 'pleasant' or 'present' used incorrectly. The sentence also lacks a verb after 'to' — add 'enjoy' to complete the infinitive meaning. This corrects word choice and sentence completeness.

× Yes, I'd like to visit a water park in Chibafrika, Japan.

✓ Yes, I'd like to visit a water park in Chibafrika, Japan.

This sentence is grammatically correct in form and tense; no change needed. It uses the correct conditional desire 'I'd like' + infinitive 'to visit.'

× It has many long waters rise and exciting Sri rice, so I'm really looking forward to going there with my family next summer.

✓ It has many long water slides and exciting rides, so I'm really looking forward to going there with my family next summer.

Multiple word-choice errors and possibly transcription mistakes: 'waters rise' and 'Sri rice' are incorrect. The correct terms for features at a water park are 'water slides' and 'rides.' The rest of the sentence is fine and future plan 'looking forward to going ... next summer' is appropriate.