Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence stating your past preference, then give one or two specific reasons with less hesitation. Reduce filler words (“uh”, “um”) and avoid unfinished sentences. Use past tense consistently when talking about childhood and add a short example or brief feeling to enrich the answer.

例: When I was a child I didn’t often enjoy going to parks because they felt designed for much younger children. However, occasionally I went with my family when I was tired or upset because the quiet paths helped me calm down. For example, I remember sitting on a bench while my parents watched my little brother play, which made me feel peaceful.

提案: Answer directly then support with specific reasons and link ideas with connectors (e.g., because, so, also). Use more precise vocabulary (relaxing, nostalgic, peaceful) and reduce repetition. Keep to 2–4 short sentences and finish cleanly.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and feel peaceful. Also, seeing children play often makes me feel nostalgic about my childhood. For instance, walking around the lake helps me unwind after a busy day.

提案: Give a clear yes/no followed by two specific reasons, and use linking words (for example, because, so, therefore). Avoid grammatical errors (e.g., Subject-verb agreement) and long hesitations. Mention where parks are missing and one concrete benefit (mental health, community space).

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they would provide places to relieve anxiety and exercise. Currently my neighborhood has no nearby parks, so adding several small green spaces would help residents relax and meet each other. For example, a community park with benches and walking paths would be very useful.

提案: State the park or country clearly, then explain why with specific details (cultural features, design, activities). Use present perfect or simple future correctly (I have always wanted to visit; I will explore). Remove repeated phrases and fillers.

例: Yes, I have always wanted to visit parks in South Korea because I’m fascinated by their well-designed public spaces and seasonal festivals. I hope to see cherry blossoms and try outdoor activities like bicycle paths and food markets. If I go, I will visit famous parks such as Namsan Park and spend a day exploring local gardens and street food.

× So as a child, I do not like to go to park because, uh, I think that this is the quite, uh, for uh, small kids places.

✓ As a child, I did not like to go to parks because I thought they were really for small children.

The sentence refers to past habitual preference, so use past tense 'did not like' and 'thought.' 'Park' should be plural 'parks' (general reference) and 'small kids places' is ungrammatical — use 'for small children.' Also remove filler words and correct word order for clarity.

× This is, I am, uh, 20 years old, so this is not right for me.

✓ I was 20 years old, so they were not right for me.

Refers to the speaker's age in the past, so verbs should be past tense: 'I was' and 'they were.' Use 'they' to refer to parks (plural) rather than repeating 'this.'

× But sometimes when I feel, uh, so bad and when I feel so exhausted, I go to the.

✓ But sometimes when I felt very low or exhausted, I would go to a park.

The original sentence is incomplete ('go to the.') and mixes present with past. Use past tense consistent with earlier statements. 'Go to a park' completes the thought. Use 'would' for habitual past actions. Avoid fillers.

× Yeah, I still like to go to park just because of it gives me so much relaxation and gives me that kind of, uh, thing like, uh, and it reminds me the of my childhood.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks because they relax me and remind me of my childhood.

Use 'like going' (gerund) or 'like to go' consistently. 'Park' should be plural 'parks' for general habit. 'It gives me so much relaxation' is awkward — use 'they relax me.' 'Reminds me the of my childhood' has word order error; correct to 'remind me of my childhood.'

× So, uh, and yes, whenever I see all the children's playing together, so it gives me a lot of memories.

✓ Also, whenever I see all the children playing together, it brings back many memories.

'Children's' is possessive but incorrect; use plural 'children.' 'Gives me a lot of memories' is unnatural — use 'brings back many memories.' Remove extra fillers and duplicate conjunctions.

× So yeah, I like to do go to parts.

✓ So yeah, I like to go to parks.

Typo and plural errors: 'do go to parts' should be 'go to parks.' Remove unnecessary auxiliary 'do' and correct 'parts' to 'parks.'

× Yes, I like to see more parks in my city just because of uh, like uh, I sometimes whenever I get so anxious or so nervous, then I want to see park.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because sometimes, when I get anxious or nervous, I want to go to a park.

Use 'would like' for desire. 'See park' is incorrect — use 'go to a park.' Ensure article 'a' before singular 'park.' Maintain tense and remove fillers.

× So in my area there has, uh, no parks, uh, there.

✓ There are no parks in my area.

Use correct existential structure 'There are' for plural 'parks.' Original 'there has no parks' is ungrammatical. Place location phrase 'in my area' correctly.

× So I think that if there has, uh, uh, so many folks, then, uh, I will I.

✓ I think that if there were more people, then I would... (sentence needs completion with what you would do).

The original is ungrammatical and incomplete: 'if there has so many folks' is wrong — use 'if there were more people.' The modal 'would' fits conditional past; the speaker's intention must be completed. Suggest finishing the sentence (e.g., 'I would visit them').

× Yeah, I always have, always have have been, always been wanted to go, umm, in South Korea, I assume, uh, South Korea park.

✓ I've always wanted to go to South Korea and visit its parks.

Use present perfect 'I've always wanted' to express a desire from past to present. 'Have been wanted' is incorrect. Use 'go to South Korea' not 'go in South Korea' and 'South Korea park' should be 'its parks' or 'the parks in South Korea.' Remove fillers and repetition.

× So, uh, I think that, uh, that is the best because it, uh, it was my dream and it is my dream.

✓ I think it's the best because it has been my dream to go there.

Avoid redundant phrasing 'it was my dream and it is my dream.' Combine into 'has been my dream' or 'has always been my dream' using present perfect to show ongoing relevance.

× And so whenever I get a chance to go there, then I will explore their park and their, uh, activity.

✓ So whenever I get the chance to go there, I will explore the parks and activities.

Use 'get the chance' (fixed expression). 'Their park' is vague and incorrectly uses 'their' for a country — use 'the parks' or 'the park' and plural 'activities.' Future tense 'I will explore' is correct; adjust nouns and articles for clarity.