Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your response more natural and concise, start with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundancy and grammatical errors, and provide one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, 'because' or 'so').

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. It was the highlight of my day because after finishing homework my friends and I would play games like hide-and-seek among the trees, which helped us relax and have fun together.

提案: Improve accuracy and coherence: use correct tenses, avoid fillers (like 'you know'), and make sentences concise. Give a clear reason and one specific example of activities you do there. Use a linking word such as 'because' or 'so' for clarity.

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks. I live close to a large park, so I walk there for about 20 minutes every day because the greenery helps me relax; for example, I usually walk along the lake or sit on a bench to read.

提案: Make your answer flow as one coherent statement: avoid sentence fragments, use linking words for reasons (e.g., 'because', 'therefore'), and include specific benefits or an example. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because most people live in high-rise apartments with little private outdoor space, so nearby parks provide places for exercise, relaxation and social activities; for instance, families can use parks for picnics and children’s play.

提案: Be more concise and avoid colloquial fillers ('you know', 'I mean'). Start with a clear topic sentence, give a specific reason or detail about why you want to visit, and end with a short concluding phrase. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because I have seen it often in TV shows and films, and I want to experience its famous landscapes and the atmosphere in person.

× When I was a kid, I had a lot of homeworks to do after I finished my assignments.

✓ When I was a kid, I had a lot of homework to do after I finished my assignments.

The noun 'homework' is an uncountable noun in English and should not take a plural form with -s. Use 'a lot of homework' or 'many assignments' instead. Suggestion: replace 'homeworks' with 'homework'.

× I try to go there for at least 20 minutes every single day because walking around makes me feel chill and relaxing and, you know, there wasn't much greenery around the area where I need, so I often go there to take a walk.

✓ I try to go there for at least 20 minutes every single day because walking around makes me feel calm and relaxed, and there isn't much greenery in the area where I live, so I often go there to take a walk.

Multiple issues fall under present tense and word choice: 'makes me feel chill and relaxing' uses incorrect adjective/adverb forms—use 'calm and relaxed'. 'There wasn't much greenery' is past tense but context requires present: use 'there isn't much greenery'. 'where I need' is incorrect pronoun/verb; correct phrase is 'where I live'. Suggestions: keep present tense consistency and use appropriate adjective forms.

× Yeah, green areas are important in urban planning. In China. Most people live in high rise apartments with small balconies or no balconies at all.

✓ Yeah, green areas are important in urban planning in China. Most people live in high-rise apartments with small balconies or no balconies at all.

The fragment 'In China.' should be connected to the previous sentence. 'high rise' should be hyphenated as 'high-rise' when used as a compound adjective before a noun. Suggestion: combine sentences and hyphenate compound adjective.

× So people really need those extra outdoor spaces near their home, otherwise they have no where to do some outdoor activities or get some exercise.

✓ So people really need those extra outdoor spaces near their homes, otherwise they have nowhere to do outdoor activities or get some exercise.

Number agreement: 'their home' should be 'their homes' to match plural possessive 'people'. 'no where' is incorrect; use the single word 'nowhere'. 'do some outdoor activities' is acceptable but 'do outdoor activities' is more natural. Suggestion: match plural possessives and use correct spelling 'nowhere'.

× You know, I'm a huge fan of the TV show Friends and I have watched it twice.

✓ You know, I'm a huge fan of the TV show Friends and I have watched it twice.

This sentence is grammatically correct regarding verb forms and tense; no correction needed. Included to indicate checked items per instructions.

× I mean, I have seen Central Park in so many other American soap operas and films.

✓ I mean, I have seen Central Park in so many American TV shows and films.

'So many other American soap operas' implies comparison to something previously mentioned; 'other' is unnecessary and sounds awkward here. 'Soap operas' may be too narrow—'TV shows' fits general reference. Suggestion: remove 'other' or clarify the comparison and use 'TV shows' for natural phrasing.