Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid unclear phrases and grammatical errors (e.g., tense, articles, word order).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my parents often took me to a small park near our home after school, where I watched kindergarten children play and enjoyed warm afternoons. Those visits left me with very happy memories.

提案: Answer clearly and reduce fillers (e.g., "uh"). Use coherent linking words (e.g., "because", "so") and make vocabulary consistent (singular/plural). Provide one specific detail or example of what you enjoy. Keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they offer a break from work-related stress. For example, I like walking among trees and watching birds, which helps me feel relaxed and refreshed.

提案: Make your opinion clear and organize reasons logically. Start with a direct answer (Yes/No/Maybe), then give one or two specific reasons using linking words like "however" or "because". Avoid vague or repeated phrases and check sentence structure.

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city, but only if they are well planned. Otherwise, the government might build many small, unused green spaces just to show results; instead, they should create a few larger, useful parks with playgrounds and seating.

提案: Answer directly and give specific reasons why you want to visit, using clear linking words. Correct factual/language errors and avoid unclear sources (e.g., "from a lot of dormitory"). Keep to 2–3 sentences and include one vivid detail.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Yellowstone National Park in the USA because I have been fascinated by its geysers and wildlife since childhood. I have seen many photos and documentaries about its landscapes, and I hope to see the geysers and bison in person one day.

× If I did, I still remember when I watched the children in the kindergarten my parents often take.

✓ If I did, I still remember when I watched the children in the kindergarten my parents often took me to.

The sentence mixes past and present incorrectly and omits an object for 'took'. Use past tense 'took' to match 'watched' and include 'me' as the object of 'took'. Also reorder to make meaning clear: 'my parents often took me to the kindergarten.'

× My parents often took me to the park near my home after the auto work and I out of my school during that day.

✓ My parents often took me to the park near my home after their work and after I got out of school that day.

Several tense and word-choice errors: use past tense consistently ('took'), use possessive 'their work', and supply the correct verb phrase 'got out of school'. 'During that day' is unnatural; 'that day' is sufficient.

× I remember the weather is warm and my memory is great.

✓ I remember that the weather was warm and my memories are vivid.

The speaker recalls a past event, so 'was warm' (past tense) is correct. 'My memory is great' is vague; 'my memories are vivid' is a clearer, grammatical expression.

× Yes, I do because in these days, uh, all kinds of pressure is quite high, but the park is a different places from my daily routines or the workplaces.

✓ Yes, I do, because these days all kinds of pressure are quite high, but the park is different from my daily routine and workplace.

Use plural verb 'are' for 'all kinds of pressure'. 'These days' preferred over 'in these days'. 'Different places' is wrong here; use 'different from'. Use singular 'routine' and 'workplace' to refer generally.

× In the parks, there's some fresh air and cute animals.

✓ In parks, there is some fresh air and cute animals.

Use 'In parks' (no definite article) to speak generally. Also use 'there is' (or 'there are') depending on count: 'some fresh air' (uncountable) and 'cute animals' (plural) is acceptable with 'there is' informally; more formally use 'there are some cute animals'.

× Everything in there could make me feel really relaxed and happy, comfortable.

✓ Everything there can make me feel really relaxed, happy, and comfortable.

Remove 'in' before 'there' and place adverbs and adjectives in natural order. Use 'can' for general present truth. Use commas and 'and' to join adjectives.

× It's of course, but on the premise of the parks won't occupy too much places because when a government stops the in their during job, in their job during, they sometimes want to make some achievements, so they will build too many parks or the place places that sometimes quite useless.

✓ Of course, but only if the parks do not occupy too much space, because when a government is near the end of its term, it sometimes wants to show achievements and builds many parks or other facilities that are sometimes quite useless.

Original sentence has word order, article, and phrasing errors. Use 'Of course, but only if' for clarity. 'Do not occupy too much space' fixes plurality and noun choice. 'Near the end of its term' replaces unclear phrase about 'during job'. Use appropriate verb forms and pluralization 'facilities' and 'are'.

× Yes, why on the most I want to go to the park is the Yellowstone National Park in USA.

✓ Yes, the park I most want to visit is Yellowstone National Park in the USA.

Use present tense 'want' with infinitive 'to visit' to express desire. Correct word order 'the park I most want to visit'. Include article 'the' before 'USA' and remove extra words.

× I learned a lot knowledge or and watch the sceneries of it from a lot of dormitory.

✓ I learned a lot about it and saw many photos of its scenery in various documentaries.

'A lot knowledge' is ungrammatical; use 'learned a lot about it'. 'Watch the sceneries' is incorrect; use 'saw photos' or 'watched documentaries' and 'scenery' is uncountable. 'A lot of dormitory' is wrong; likely 'documentaries' was intended.

× It's quite attracting me since I was a child so maybe I want my dream come true.

✓ It has attracted me since I was a child, so maybe I want my dream to come true.

Use present perfect 'has attracted me' to indicate continued interest from past to present. 'I want my dream to come true' requires 'to' before 'come true' and clearer punctuation.