Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear, accurate, and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I did). Correct grammar (past tense), remove unclear phrases ("houses of shame", "play dance") and use specific details. Limit to 2–4 sentences and use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I did. My grandfather usually took me to the local park after school, and I loved playing games and dancing with my friends there. Because of those visits, I have many happy childhood memories.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence in present tense and use linking words to explain reasons and frequency. Correct common errors ("go to park" → "go to the park", "hardly ever get to go out"). Be specific about how often and what you do there.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but not very often because I live in a boarding school and rarely go out. When I visit my hometown, I usually go to the park with my dad to run or have long conversations.

提案: Answer directly and give clear reasons using correct vocabulary. Avoid unclear phrases ("more hard should be located", "upcoming ordinarily"). Use linking words (because, so, therefore) and specific benefits (clean air, leisure, exercise). Keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because it is becoming crowded with tall buildings. More parks would give people space to exercise, relax, and enjoy cleaner air.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence about your plan and use correct nouns and phrasing ("go to Japan", "parks near Mount Fuji"). Be specific about which parks and why (scenery, cultural features). Use linking words to connect ideas and correct collocations ("go running", "scenery of Mount Fuji").

例: In the future I would like to visit parks in Japan, especially those near Mount Fuji. I have seen pictures online and I think running there while enjoying the mountain scenery would be a wonderful experience.

× I would like to go into houses of shame after school and my grandfather usually bring me to the park and I love playing play dance in that park.

✓ I used to go to people’s houses after school, and my grandfather usually brought me to the park where I loved to play and dance.

Multiple sentence structure issues: incorrect phrase 'houses of shame' (word choice), run-on sentence, incorrect verb forms and tense consistency ('would like to go' wrong for habitual past, 'bring' should be past 'brought', 'playing play dance' is redundant). Use 'used to' or simple past for habitual past, separate ideas with a conjunction and commas, and use correct verb forms ('brought', 'loved to play and dance').

× It's make me like having a memorable time.

✓ It made me have a memorable time.

Subject-verb agreement and tense: 'It's make' mixes present contraction with base verb; the context is past habitual so use past 'made'. Also simplify 'like having a memorable time' to 'have a memorable time'.

× For now, I sometimes go to park because I'm living in a boarding school so I hardly ever let go out of the school.

✓ At present, I sometimes go to the park because I'm living in a boarding school, so I hardly ever get to leave the school.

Incorrect article: 'go to park' needs 'the park' or 'a park'. Word choice and structure: 'for now' better as 'at present', 'let go out of the school' is ungrammatical; use 'get to leave the school'. Maintain present tense for current situation.

× But when I go back to my hometown I usually spend my time with my dad on running or talking in the park.

✓ But when I go back to my hometown, I usually spend time with my dad running or talking in the park.

Awkward preposition and structure: 'spend my time with my dad on running' is incorrect; use 'spend time ... running' or 'talking'. Add comma after introductory clause and remove unnecessary possessive 'my' before 'time' for natural phrasing.

× Yes, of course, I think that's more hard should be located in my city because the upcoming ordinarily make make that city like have a lot of tall buildings.

✓ Yes, of course. I think more parks should be built in my city because rapid development has led to many tall buildings.

Multiple problems: awkward phrasing and wrong word order ('more hard should be located'), repetition 'make make', and incorrect vocabulary 'upcoming ordinarily'. Use 'should be built' for parks, and clarify cause with 'rapid development' or 'urban development has led to many tall buildings'.

× But if you have more park, it will be the place that people can like save your time on running or jogging with their friends.

✓ If there were more parks, they would be places where people could save time by running or jogging with friends.

Article and conditional structure: 'more park' needs plural 'more parks'. Mixed second-person 'you' and generic 'people' inconsistent; use conditional 'If there were...' and correct modal 'could'. Use 'save time by running' for natural phrasing.

× Uh, in the future, I, I want to go to the Japan, which I have seen some parks in the Internet that have a synonym of Mount Fuji.

✓ In the future, I want to go to Japan, where I have seen online some parks with views of Mount Fuji.

Article error: 'the Japan' is wrong; countries like Japan do not take 'the'. Also awkward phrasing 'in the Internet' should be 'online', and 'a synonym of Mount Fuji' is incorrect — use 'views of Mount Fuji' or 'scenery of Mount Fuji'.

× So it would be like very beautiful for me to go to and running with the sceneries of Mount Fuji.

✓ So it would be very beautiful for me to go there and run with the scenery of Mount Fuji.

Tense and verb form: 'to go to and running' mixes infinitive and -ing form; use parallel structure 'to go there and run'. 'Sceneries' is nonstandard; use 'scenery' or 'views'. Use 'would be' appropriately for future possibility.