Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (umm, uh) and grammatical errors (use past tense consistently, correct word order). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas and provide one clear example of an activity you did.

例: Not really. Because our house was far from the city, we rarely visited parks. Instead, I spent most afternoons playing football and running races with my childhood friends in our local street, which was where I had most of my happy memories.

提案: Answer directly then give a brief reason. Use present tense for current habits and avoid repeating past information already given. Keep it to two or three sentences and use linking words like 'however' or 'but' to show contrast.

例: Not really. I don't often go to parks now because I didn't grow up visiting them, so I never developed the habit. However, I sometimes go if a friend invites me or there is a special event.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with specific reasons. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example'. Be concise and correct grammar (e.g., 'many' not 'a very many times', 'I think it's good' not 'it is OK'). Provide one specific benefit for children and visitors.

例: Yes, I think the city should have more parks because they provide safe places for children to play. For example, parks would be useful for families visiting from other towns and would help children stay active and socialise.

提案: Answer clearly and give one or two specific goals. Use future tense correctly and avoid vague phrases like 'new things' without examples. Mention a particular country or type of park and one activity you want to try to make the answer more concrete.

例: Yes, I would like to visit parks abroad, especially large urban parks in countries like Japan or England. I want to see different landscaping styles and try activities such as boating on a lake or joining local festivals held in those parks.

× Growing up UMM, it is seldom for us to go to park because our house is far from the umm center or in the city where the park is located.

✓ Growing up, we seldom went to the park because our house was far from the city center where the park was located.

Errors: awkward adverb placement and incorrect tense/structure. 'Growing up' should be followed by a subject, not 'it'; 'seldom' is an adverb modifying the verb, so place it before the verb 'went'; 'go to park' needs article 'the park'; past tense 'went' and 'was' match 'growing up'. Suggest: place adverbs near verbs and match tense consistently.

× Uh me, I spent my days in the street, our local street where I played with my childhood best friends there and we also happy.

✓ I spent my days on our local street, where I played with my childhood best friends, and we were also happy.

Errors: wrong pronoun placement ('Uh me' unnecessary), preposition use ('in the street' -> 'on the street' or 'in the street' can be okay but 'on our local street' is natural), missing verb 'were' for 'we were also happy', and redundant 'there'. Suggest: remove filler words, use correct prepositions, include linking verbs for state descriptions, and simplify sentences.

× With the experience before, umm, going to park, is that uh, mainly our source of joy as a child and we didn't used to go to parks, so it is not umm, my thing to go to park until, uh, today.

✓ From that experience, going to parks was mainly our source of joy as children, and we didn't use to go to parks, so visiting parks wasn't something I did until today.

Errors: awkward structure and tense inconsistencies. 'With the experience before' is unclear; use 'From that experience'. 'Going to park' needs plural/article 'going to parks'. Use past tense 'was' and correct form 'didn't use to' (not 'didn't used to'). 'My thing to go to park' is informal and ungrammatical; use 'wasn't something I did'. Suggest: reorganize sentence for clarity, use correct past forms and idiomatic expressions.

× Being not able to go to park, uh, in a very many times it is.

✓ I was not able to go to the park very often.

Errors: missing article 'the' before 'park', incorrect phrase 'in a very many times' which should be 'very often'. Also sentence structure is awkward. Suggest: use 'very often' for frequency and include articles where required.

× But for me it is OK to have more parks in the city for the children to play if there are a lot of children not just from the city but also outside from the city visiting their families.

✓ For me, it is fine to have more parks in the city for children to play, especially if many children visit from outside the city to see their families.

Errors: wordy and repetitive phrasing ('a lot of children not just from the city but also outside from the city') and missing commas. 'OK' can be replaced by 'fine' for formality. Suggest: simplify and use 'especially' to clarify condition, avoid repetition.

× Yeah, but the only part that I wanted to go in the future is I want it from outside the country where I can see new things, new people, new experience and new activities that the other country offered in their park.

✓ Yes, but the only parks I want to visit in the future are those outside my country, where I can see new things, meet new people, gain new experiences, and try new activities that other countries offer in their parks.

Errors: tense and article issues. 'Wanted to go in the future' mixes past and future; use 'want to visit in the future' or 'I want to visit'. 'I want it from outside the country' is incorrect; specify 'parks outside my country'. Use plural 'experiences' and parallel structure for list items. Use present simple 'offer' for general facts. Suggest: keep tense consistent, use parallel lists, and correct articles and plurals.

× With the experience before, umm, going to park, is that uh, mainly our source of joy as a child and we didn't used to go to parks, so it is not umm, my thing to go to park until, uh, today.

✓ From that experience, going to parks was mainly our source of joy as children, and we didn't use to go to parks, so visiting parks wasn't something I did until today.

Errors: subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb form 'used' after 'didn't'. Use 'didn't use to' for past habitual negatives. 'Is that mainly our source' should be 'was mainly our source' to match past context and plural subject 'children'. Suggest: ensure verbs agree in number and tense, and use correct auxiliary constructions.