Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer direct and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use correct verb forms and avoid unclear phrases like “not your.” Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my grandfather and we would feed the ducks and walk along the paths. Those visits are some of my happiest childhood memories because we spent quality time together and I felt free to play.

提案: Answer directly, use correct tense and clearer vocabulary. Begin with a topic sentence, then add a specific example with appropriate linking words (for example, because, so). Avoid awkward phrases like “can mine.”

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax. For example, I go to a local park every Sunday morning to walk and read, which helps me start the week feeling refreshed.

提案: Be concise and logical: state your opinion, then give one or two specific reasons. Use correct article and plural forms (e.g., “more parks,” “more attractive”). Avoid fillers like “uh” and repeated words.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they would make the city more attractive and provide extra space for residents. For instance, new parks would encourage people to exercise outdoors and offer peaceful areas for families to relax.

提案: Clarify the park name and use correct tense. Start with a clear statement about the park, then give a brief reason and a time frame. Avoid hesitations and unclear references.

例: Yes, I want to visit a new park called Maori COVID-19 Memorial Park that was opened recently. I heard it opened about a month ago and I would like to go to learn more about its history and to see the memorial displays.

× Yes of course I remember I have work invite to park with my grandfather.

✓ Yes, of course I remember. I was invited to the park by my grandfather.

The original sentence has pronoun and verb form issues and a passive meaning. 'I have work invite to park with my grandfather' is ungrammatical. Corrected to past passive 'I was invited' because the event happened in the past. Also split into two sentences for clarity and added articles 'the park'. Suggestion: use past tense and passive voice when describing being invited (was invited), and include articles where needed.

× I really enjoy it and not your.

✓ I really enjoyed it and not yours.

This sentence mixes present tense with a past reference and misuses the pronoun 'your'. The student intended to contrast their enjoyment with the grandfather's; the correct possessive pronoun is 'yours'. Also the tense should match the past context: 'enjoyed'. Suggestion: use the correct possessive pronoun and match tense to context.

× Yes, going to park make me feel cozy and can mine.

✓ Yes, going to the park makes me feel cozy and calm.

'Going to park' needs the article 'the park'. Subject 'going to the park' is singular gerund phrase, so verb should be 'makes' (subject-verb agreement). 'can mine' is unintelligible; likely intended 'calm'. Suggestion: include articles, ensure verb agrees with gerund subjects, and choose correct adjectives.

× For example, I still went to a park every weekend on the Sunday morning.

✓ For example, I still went to the park every Sunday morning.

The time expression is awkward. 'Still' conflicts with past tense 'went'—use 'used to' or remove 'still' if referring to past habit. 'Every weekend on the Sunday morning' is redundant; use 'every Sunday morning' or 'every weekend'. Suggestion: say 'I used to go to the park every Sunday morning' for a past habitual action, or 'I still go' for present habit.

× Yes, I think more park in the city is will make the city more uh in population and people will will have more space to relax or have some exercise.

✓ Yes, I think more parks in the city would make it less crowded and give people more space to relax or exercise.

'More park' should be plural 'more parks' (quantifier + count noun). 'is will make' is incorrect future/modal structure; use 'would make' or 'will make'. 'More uh in population' likely attempts 'less crowded' or 'more populated'—context suggests 'less crowded' if adding parks increases space; choose appropriate phrase. Duplicate 'will will' is an error. Suggestion: use correct plural for countable nouns, use a single appropriate modal or conditional ('would' for opinion), and choose clear adjectives like 'less crowded' or 'more populated' depending on intended meaning.

× Yes, there is a Maori COVID-19 park which uh, recently introduced in.

✓ Yes, there is a Maori COVID-19 memorial park that was recently opened.

The clause 'which uh, recently introduced in' is ungrammatical. Use passive past 'was recently opened' or 'which was recently introduced'. Also specify article 'a' and clarify noun 'park' purpose; 'Maori COVID-19 park' is unusual—'memorial park' may be clearer. Suggestion: use correct 'there is' structure with a determiner, and use past passive to indicate recent opening: 'that was recently opened'.

× Did you find the one month ago? I want to go there.

✓ I found out about it one month ago. I want to go there.

'Did you find the one month ago?' is incorrect question form and pronoun use; likely the student meant 'I found it one month ago' or 'I heard about it one month ago'. Use simple past 'found out' for discovery in the past. 'I want to go there' is fine in present tense for future intention. Suggestion: use 'I found out about it one month ago' to convey when they learned of the park.