Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and cohesion: start with a clear topic sentence, use complete sentences, and link ideas. Avoid fragments like "Found memories..." and give one concrete detail. Keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child. I often went there with my father to learn how to ride a bicycle when I was about three and a half, and I remember feeling excited and proud once I could pedal by myself.

提案: Make sentences more natural and correct small errors (e.g., "a 30 year university student" → "a 30-year university student" or better "a 30-year-old university student"). Use a linking phrase to connect present situation and future intention.

例: Not really — I don't go to parks much at the moment because I'm a 30‑year‑old university student with heavy coursework and tight deadlines. However, if I have more free time in the future, I would definitely go to parks with friends to relax and chat.

提案: Reduce fillers like "umm" and slightly restructure for clarity. Provide one specific benefit and a short example. Use natural phrasing: "exercise" rather than "exercise themselves."

例: Yes, I would. More parks would provide green space for recreation and help improve air quality. For example, in Taipei additional small parks would give elderly residents safe, convenient places to exercise and socialize.

提案: Complete your answer and avoid repetition and unfinished fragments. Start with direct response, give a clear reason and specific detail, and finish with a concluding sentence. Correct repetitions like "was was."

例: Yes — I would like to visit Central Park again. I went there last Christmas when it was snowy and the scenery was stunning; I especially enjoyed the quiet paths and the frozen ponds. I hope to return in warmer weather to see the park at a different time of year.

× Found memories of feeling excited and a little proud when I could pedal myself.

✓ I have fond memories of feeling excited and a little proud when I could pedal by myself.

The original sentence is missing a subject and uses 'Found' incorrectly; it should be 'I have fond memories'. Also 'pedal myself' is unnatural; use 'pedal by myself' or 'pedal on my own'. Use present perfect 'have' to link past memories to the present.

× I don't go to parks much at the moment because I'm a 30 year university student with a lot of coursework and deadlines.

✓ I don't go to parks much at the moment because I'm a 30-year-old university student with a lot of coursework and deadlines.

The phrase describing age and role needs the adjective form '30-year-old' to modify 'university student'. Hyphens are required in compound adjectives before a noun.

× In the future if I have more free time I would definitely go to the park with friends to relax and chat.

✓ In the future, if I have more free time, I will definitely go to the park with friends to relax and chat.

This conditional needs a first conditional structure: 'if' + present, then 'will' + base verb for likely future actions. Using 'would' suggests an unreal or hypothetical situation; 'will' matches a real future possibility.

× I think especially in Taipei, it is umm important for elderly people to have a place to exercise themselves.

✓ I think especially in Taipei, it is important for elderly people to have a place to exercise.

The reflexive pronoun 'themselves' is unnecessary and awkward here; 'to have a place to exercise' is sufficient. Also filler 'umm' should be removed for clarity.

× I would definitely say yes. Last Christmas I visited Central Park in New York, which is a famous landmark of the city.

✓ I would definitely say yes. Last Christmas I visited Central Park in New York, which is a famous landmark of the city.

No grammatical correction needed in these sentences; they are acceptable. They are included to show no change was required.

× Especially the day I went was snowy and the view was was outstanding.

✓ The day I went was snowy and the view was outstanding.

Remove the duplicated 'was' and the unnecessary leading 'Especially'. The sentence reads more naturally without repetition and with a simple subject-verb structure.

× However, I found.

✓ However, I found it to be very beautiful.

The original is a sentence fragment lacking an object and completion. Provide a complete clause after 'found', e.g., 'I found it to be very beautiful' or 'I found the park very beautiful' to complete the thought.