Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more natural and grammatical by using correct tense and word forms, avoid filler words, and keep it concise (max 3–4 sentences). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific details using linking words.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I used to visit the park every weekend with my brother and our neighbours, where we played games and took turns on the swings. Those visits were one of my favourite parts of the week because we always had so much fun together.

提案: Improve coherence by combining sentences and using linking words (e.g., 'but', 'because', 'so') correctly. Correct small grammatical mistakes (prepositions, article use) and avoid repetition to sound more natural.

例: Yes, I still like going to parks, but now I usually go to read and relax. Since I live in the UK, there are many quiet parks with flowers near my house, so I often spend peaceful afternoons there.

提案: Clarify your main point and fix grammar and vocabulary (e.g., 'especially because', 'near my home', 'facilities', 'children'). Use one or two specific reasons and a linking word to structure the response. Avoid vague phrases.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks, especially because there is only one small park near my home. More parks with proper facilities would benefit everyone—children could play safely and older people would have more places to exercise and socialise.

提案: Make the answer more fluent by using natural phrasing and correct articles ('the Disney Park' or 'a Disney park'), and shorten repetitive parts. Provide one specific reason and mention who you would go with.

例: Yes, I would love to visit the Disney Park in the future because I grew up watching Disney films and it would be nostalgic. I hope to go there with my family and friends to enjoy the attractions together.

× Yes I did. When I was a child I used to go to the park on every Saturday and Sundays with my brother and my neighbors.

✓ Yes, I did. When I was a child, I used to go to the park every Saturday and Sunday with my brother and my neighbors.

Redundant words and incorrect plural form for days: 'on every Saturday and Sundays' mixes singular and plural. Use 'every Saturday and Sunday' or 'on Saturdays and Sundays'. Also add commas after introductory elements for clarity.

× On that time we were played many games and we used swing umm other equipments and we enjoyed that time a lot.

✓ At that time we played many games, used swings and other equipment, and enjoyed ourselves a lot.

Incorrect verb forms and articles: 'were played' is incorrect passive usage; use simple past 'played'. 'used swing' needs plural 'swings' or 'used the swing'; 'equipments' is uncountable so use 'equipment'. Add 'ourselves' with 'enjoyed' for reflexive meaning.

× Yes I do, but not to play but to read and relax sometimes in there.

✓ Yes, I do, but not to play; I go to read and relax there sometimes.

Awkward structure and misplaced adverb: 'in there' is incorrect preposition use; say 'there'. Place 'sometimes' where it better modifies the verb. Also avoid repeating 'but'.

× Currently I live in UK. In there I can see so many parks near my house so there are so many calm places and flowers there.

✓ Currently I live in the UK. There are many parks near my house, and many calm places with flowers.

Article missing: 'UK' requires 'the UK'. 'In there' and repeated 'there' are awkward; use 'There are' to introduce existence. 'So many calm places and flowers there' is redundant; restructure for clarity.

× Yes I do especially need key because I couldn't find much park near to my home, only one park but that's not enough for the old people.

✓ Yes, I would, because I can't find many parks near my home; there is only one park, and that's not enough for older people.

Modal and tense mismatches: 'especially need key' is unclear; likely intended 'I would, especially because...'. 'Couldn't find' should be present 'can't find' when describing current situation. Use 'many parks' (countable) and 'near my home' (no 'to'). Use 'older people' instead of 'the old people' for natural phrasing.

× From my opinion, if we have more parks facilities the children's can use and it is beneficial for not only children but for everyone.

✓ In my opinion, if we had more park facilities that children could use, it would benefit not only children but everyone.

'From my opinion' should be 'In my opinion'. Tense and mood: use conditional 'if we had' with 'would' for hypothetical. 'parks facilities' should be 'park facilities' or 'parks and facilities'. 'the children's' is incorrect plural/possessive; use 'children' or 'children could use'. Sentence structure improved for clarity.

× Yes, I have one park in my mind that is Disney park.

✓ Yes, I have one park in mind: Disneyland.

'In my mind' is acceptable but 'in my mind that is Disney park' is awkward; use 'in mind' and the proper name 'Disneyland'. Use a colon or rephrase for clarity.

× When I was a child I watched so many Disney movies and as an adult also I loved to watch them again.

✓ When I was a child, I watched many Disney movies, and as an adult I still enjoy watching them.

Tense consistency and word choice: 'so many' is informal; 'many' is fine. 'as an adult also I loved to watch them again' mixes past and present; use present 'still enjoy' to indicate continuing preference.

× So this is the park that I would like to go in my future with my friends and families.

✓ So this is the park that I would like to visit in the future with my friends and family.

Incorrect verb phrase: use 'visit' rather than 'go' plus destination. 'In my future' should be 'in the future'. 'Families' should be 'family' when referring to one's own family; use 'friends and family'.