Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Good direct response and personal detail. To improve: make the answer more concise (max 5 sentences), avoid redundancy (e.g. "grandparents and my mother" could be grouped), use clearer linking phrases, and include one specific memory or reason to make it more vivid. Watch minor grammar: use "my mother and grandparents" or "my grandparents and my mother" consistently.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went for evening walks with my mother and grandparents, and we would sit on a bench watching the sunset. I especially remember feeding ducks at the pond, which was fun and peaceful.

提案: Answer is positive but unclear and wordy with many hesitations. Improve by removing filler words, using precise vocabulary, and providing one clear reason with a linking phrase. Keep sentences simple and grammatical. For example, say why parks help (exercise, fresh air, stress relief) and give a brief example of how you use them now.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and reduce stress. For example, I go for a 30-minute walk there every evening to clear my mind after work.

提案: The intention is clear but the answer contains errors (wrong city name mention), awkward phrasing and repetition. Improve by answering directly, correcting place names, using linking words like "because" to give a specific reason, and adding a concise result or example of benefits (cleaner air, more green space for families).

例: Yes, I would. In Guangzhou, more parks would improve air quality and give families safe places to relax. For instance, adding pocket parks in dense districts would create quiet spots for children to play.

提案: Good idea and personal interest, but grammar and clarity need work. Avoid passive or incorrect phrasing ("parks that want to go to"). Be specific: name the type of park and explain why with a short example. Keep it within a few clear sentences and use a linking word like "because" or "so".

例: Yes, I would like to visit a bicycle-themed park with my friends because I'm really into cycling. Riding on dedicated trails and trying obstacle courses would be fun and a great way to relax together.

× Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I used to go for walks after dinner with my grandparents and my mother and I had a great time sitting on the benches and enjoying the fresh air. It's quite great and super for us to have that kind of time.

✓ Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I used to go for walks after dinner with my grandparents and my mother, and I had a great time sitting on the benches and enjoying the fresh air. It was wonderful for us to have that kind of time.

The original contains tense and register inconsistencies. The sentence switches between past and present ("It's quite great and super") while describing childhood memories; past tense should be used throughout. 'It's quite great and super' is informal and awkward; replace with 'It was wonderful' to match past narrative and natural English. Also add a comma before 'and' when joining independent clauses.

× Yes, I do still like, uh, going to parks now, uh, because I really think it's the, it's of the paramount importance in the world to avoid and, umm, crash into a deep situation that you can relax yourself, uh, from daily, uh, pressure from walks.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now because I really think it is very important for people to relax and relieve daily stress by taking walks.

This sentence has structural and lexical problems: unnecessary hesitations, redundant phrases, and incorrect expressions like 'crash into a deep situation' and 'relax yourself from daily pressure from walks.' Replace with clear structure: 'it is very important for people to relax and relieve daily stress by taking walks.' Use 'enjoy' instead of 'like' + gerund for smoother English. Remove filler words.

× Yes, of course, Adelaide, you see more parks in my city. Uh, as you know, I'm in Guangzhou city. This city is a mature place and as long as there are more and more parks in my city, the environments of nature is, is going to be better.

✓ Yes, of course. As you know, I'm from Guangzhou. This city is well developed, and if we had more parks, the natural environment would improve.

The original is confusing: 'Adelaide, you see more parks in my city' appears irrelevant or incorrect. Use clearer statements and correct subject-verb agreement ('the environments of nature is' -> 'the natural environment would improve'). Use conditional 'if we had' to express desire for more parks and modal 'would' for result.

× Yes, there are a lot of parks that want to go to in the future.

✓ Yes, there are a lot of parks I want to visit in the future.

The clause 'parks that want to go to' incorrectly assigns desire to parks. Use the correct subject 'I' who want to visit: 'parks I want to visit.' Also 'visit' is more natural than 'go to' in this context.

× Or for instance, I I really want to go to the bicycle theme parks with my mates because as you know, I'm really into the bicycle. It's quite good to relax.

✓ For instance, I really want to go to bicycle-themed parks with my friends because, as you know, I'm really into cycling. It's a good way to relax.

Several issues: duplicated 'I I'; 'bicycle theme parks' should be 'bicycle-themed parks'; 'mates' is informal and regional—'friends' is more general; 'into the bicycle' is ungrammatical—use 'into cycling.' 'It's quite good to relax' is awkward; 'It's a good way to relax' is natural and fits context.