Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar (tense consistency and subject-verb agreement), remove repetitions, and tighten the answer to one clear topic sentence plus 2 supporting details. Use linking words like “for example” or “also” and correct past tense verbs (e.g., “liked”, “taught”).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my family often visited Picnic Grove in Tagaytay, where we had picnics and my father taught my brothers and me to fly kites. Those visits are my fondest childhood memories.

提案: Avoid filler phrases and repetition, be concise, and use linking words to contrast past and present (e.g., “however”, “now”). Use varied vocabulary like “prefer” and correct small errors (remove duplicate words).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks; however, my preferences have changed. Nowadays I prefer food parks where I can try different dishes with my family and sometimes listen to live music.

提案: Be more specific about what kinds of parks or facilities you want and give one reason. Start with a clear topic sentence and add supporting detail using linking words like “so” or “because”. Avoid informal fillers like “yeah”.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in our city because green spaces improve residents’ health. For instance, parks with playgrounds and picnic areas would encourage families and friends to spend time outdoors and create lasting memories.

提案: Reduce repetition, fix small errors, and give a brief specific example of a province or a food you want to try to make the answer more concrete. Use linking words like “instead” and “for example”.

例: I don’t have a specific park in mind, but I would like to visit a food park in another province instead. For example, I might go to a food market in Cebu to try local specialties like lechon and seafood.

× Yes, I like going to parks when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks when I was a child.

Tense mismatch: 'when I was a child' refers to the past, so the verb should be past tense 'liked' rather than present 'like'. Use past tense to maintain consistent time reference. Suggestion: Use past tense for habits in the past (I liked going to parks when I was a child).

× Actually, I have a lot of memories with my family at parks, one of which is when we went to Picnic Grove in Tagaytay.

✓ Actually, I have a lot of memories with my family in parks; one is when we went to Picnic Grove in Tagaytay.

Awkward preposition and punctuation: 'at parks' is less natural than 'in parks' for memories, and the comma splice joins two independent ideas. Also 'one of which is' is wordy. Use a semicolon or split into two sentences and 'one is' to introduce the specific memory. Suggestion: Use natural prepositions and proper sentence joiners (semicolon or separate sentences).

× I can still remember how we my family loved to do picnics there and how my father also teach me to fly kites with my with my brothers.

✓ I can still remember how my family loved to have picnics there and how my father also taught me to fly kites with my brothers.

Multiple issues: extraneous 'we' creates a pronoun error; verb tenses inconsistent ('loved' is past but 'teach' is present) and 'do picnics' is less natural than 'have picnics'. Also duplicated 'with my'. Corrected to past tense 'taught' to match 'loved' and removed duplicate words. Suggestion: Remove extra pronouns, keep consistent past tense for past events, and use natural collocations ('have picnics').

× Yeah, I can say that I still love going to parks at my age right now.

✓ Yeah, I can say that I still love going to parks at my age.

Redundancy and wordiness: 'at my age right now' is redundant; 'right now' and 'at my age' overlap. Also present tense 'still love' is fine. Simplify to 'at my age' or 'right now', not both. Suggestion: Remove redundant time phrases for clarity.

× Well, not that kind of parks when I was a child where you can run around and play.

✓ Well, not the kind of parks I went to as a child, where you could run around and play.

Fragment and tense mismatch: Original is a fragment lacking a main verb. Use a full clause and match past ability 'could' to refer to childhood. 'When I was a child' is replaced by 'I went to as a child' for clarity. Suggestion: Ensure each sentence has a subject and verb; match past context with past modal 'could'.

× This time I am more into food parks where I can I can taste different kinds of food with my family and sometimes just listening to music.

✓ This time I am more into food parks where I can taste different kinds of food with my family and sometimes just listen to music.

Repetition 'I can I can' and incorrect parallel structure: after 'can' use base verb 'taste' not '-ing'. For the second activity maintain parallel infinitive form 'listen' rather than gerund 'listening'. Suggestion: Use parallel verb forms after modal verbs and remove repeated words.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in our city and yeah, I would like to experience it with my family and friends and just create more memories together.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in our city, and I would like to experience them with my family and friends and create more memories together.

Pronoun and article number agreement: 'parks' is plural, so refer to 'them' rather than 'it'. Also repetitive 'yeah' and 'I would like' can be tightened; comma needed before conjunction joining independent clauses. Suggestion: Ensure pronouns agree in number with their antecedents and avoid unnecessary repetition.

× I don't have a specific park in my mind right now, but if I were to visit a park in the future, it would still be a food park, but this time not not in our city, but maybe from a different province where I can try different food in their localities.

✓ I don't have a specific park in mind right now, but if I were to visit a park in the future, it would still be a food park, though not in our city—maybe in a different province where I can try local foods.

Wordiness and repetition: 'in my mind' is acceptable but 'in mind' is more natural. Duplicate 'not not' must be cleaned. 'From a different province' is awkward; use 'in a different province'. 'Different food in their localities' is ungrammatical; use 'local foods'. Also punctuation: use em dash or comma to improve flow. Suggestion: Remove repeated words, use natural prepositional phrases, and pluralize 'foods' or use 'local cuisine' for clarity.