Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer grammatically correct, concise, and more natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use past tense consistently and avoid repetition. For example, say when, who you went with, and one activity you enjoyed.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I used to go every afternoon with my friends to play football and explore the trees, which was my favorite part of the day.

提案: Give a clear, concise present-tense response and avoid filler words. State why you like parks now with one or two specific benefits and link ideas with simple connectors (for example, because, so, which). Keep it to 2–3 sentences maximum.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I go there when I need to relax because fresh air and walking among trees help me feel refreshed and give me more energy.

提案: Answer directly and clearly whether you want more parks. Use simple, correct sentences and provide a reason or short example. Avoid unclear vocabulary and fragmented sentences. If possible, mention current situation and one improvement you want.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because there is only one large park nearby and it gets crowded. More parks would give people easier access to green space and reduce overcrowding.

提案: Be specific and concise: name or describe the park and give one reason why you want to visit. Avoid hesitations and irrelevant details. Use future tense properly and keep it to two sentences.

例: Yes, I would like to visit a famous park I saw on social media in China. It looked beautiful with lakes and gardens, and I want to see its landscaping and cultural features in person.

× Yes, of course. When I was a child, I really want to go in a parks in every afternoon time I meet with my friends in the in the park.

✓ Yes, of course. When I was a child, I really wanted to go to the park every afternoon to meet my friends there.

The sentence mixes past context with present-tense verb 'want' and has issues with pluralization and prepositions. Use past tense 'wanted' to match 'When I was a child.' Use 'go to the park' (correct preposition and singular 'park' if referring to a specific park) and 'every afternoon' instead of 'in every afternoon time.' Combine the purpose phrase as 'to meet my friends there.'

× Yes, uh, still I like to going up parks now, uh, when I feel uh, happy or uh, it's, it was a rush to him, uh, that time I went to the park, when I reached the park, it make me refresh and relaxing.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now. When I feel happy, going to the park gives me a rush; when I reach the park, it makes me feel refreshed and relaxed.

Use 'I still like going' (correct verb + -ing form) and 'go to parks' (correct preposition). The clause 'it was a rush to him' is unclear; rephrase as 'gives me a rush.' Maintain present tense for current habits. Use correct subject-verb agreement: 'it makes' not 'it make.' Use adjectives 'refreshed' and 'relaxed' (past participles used as adjectives) rather than 'refresh and relaxing.'

× I got my energy back.

✓ I got my energy back.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It fits past tense narrative and needs no change.

× Umm in my city here I have a big bugs even out to park.

✓ In my city there is a very large park nearby.

Original sentence has incorrect word order and unclear words ('big bugs even out to park'). Use 'there is' to introduce existence and proper adjective order 'a very large park nearby.' This corrects structure and meaning.

× There is a really big in the country.

✓ There is a really big park in the country.

Missing noun after 'big' makes the sentence incomplete. Add 'park' to complete the noun phrase and make meaning clear.

× If uh if needed there are in my surrounding area here have one park.

✓ If needed, there is a park in my surrounding area.

Original repeats words and has incorrect structure. Use 'there is a park' for existence and place it 'in my surrounding area.' Remove redundant 'have' and duplicate 'if.' Use singular 'park' if referring to one.

× Umm, yes, uh, umm, when I Scroll down social site, umm, I saw uh, one park in it based in China.

✓ When I scrolled through a social site, I saw a park there that is located in China.

Use past tense 'scrolled' to match 'I saw.' 'Scroll down social site' is unnatural; use 'scrolled through a social site.' Clarify relative clause as 'a park there that is located in China.'

× So I want to go and uh, I want to visit to this park in the future.

✓ So I want to go and visit this park in the future.

Do not use 'visit to'; the correct verb pattern is 'go and visit' or simply 'visit.' Use base form 'visit' after 'want to.' The present simple 'want' is acceptable for future plans, but could also be 'would like to' for politeness.