Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid vague phrases (e.g., "which makes sense") and redundant repetition. Also correct collocations (say "I love photography" or "I enjoy taking pictures") and aim for maximum five sentences.

例: I enjoy photography, especially capturing natural scenes. For example, when I visit a park or a mountain, I like to photograph the light and textures to add to my gallery. Because I love nature, I often wake up early to catch sunrise shots, which gives my photos a peaceful atmosphere.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and give specific contrasts using linking words (e.g., "however", "on the other hand"). Avoid unclear phrases and corrections mid-sentence ("or I mean"). Provide concrete examples of what you like in each setting.

例: I prefer a mix of both urban and rural views. For example, in cities I enjoy the skyline and modern architecture, which look impressive at night; however, in rural areas I value open fields and traditional village scenes because they feel peaceful and authentic.

提案: Be more balanced and avoid absolute claims. Start with a clear position, then provide specific reasons and an example. Use linking words (e.g., "because", "for instance", "however") and avoid exaggerated statements like "most beautiful scenery all across the world."

例: I prefer the views in my country because India offers diverse landscapes, from beaches to mountains. For instance, I can see deserts in Rajasthan and snow-capped peaks in the Himalayas, so I rarely feel the need to travel abroad just to find different scenery.

× When I see nature, which I like, I would always want to capture it.

✓ When I see nature, which I like, I always want to capture it.

Using 'would always want' here is inappropriate because the speaker describes a habitual present action. Replace 'would' + verb with the simple present 'always want' to express regular habits. Suggestion: use simple present for routines (I always want to capture it).

× In urban areas the tall mountains or I mean the tall buildings are also very beautiful, whereas in rural areas the farms and the village life is something which cannot be compared to.

✓ In urban areas the tall buildings are very beautiful, whereas in rural areas the farms and village life are unique and incomparable.

The original sentence is awkward and contains a misplaced phrase 'tall mountains or I mean the tall buildings' that confuses meaning. This is a sentence structure error: eliminate the contradictory 'tall mountains' and the filler 'I mean', and use clearer adjectives ('unique and incomparable'). Suggestion: keep parallel structure and avoid verbal fillers for clarity.

× I prefer a mix of both because I think beauty is subjective and can never be specific.

✓ I prefer a mix of both because I think beauty is subjective and cannot be defined precisely.

The phrase 'can never be specific' uses 'specific' incorrectly as an adjective where a verb/adverb phrase is needed. This is an incorrect word choice related to prepositional/phrase usage. Rephrase to 'cannot be defined precisely' to express the intended meaning. Suggestion: use verbs like 'defined' and adverbs like 'precisely' to describe abstract qualities.

× I feel like my country India has a wide range of views which are appropriately beautiful and I would not like to visit any other country to expand the beauty because I believe my country has the most beautiful scenery all across the world.

✓ I feel that my country, India, has a wide range of beautiful views, and I would not want to visit other countries to find more beauty because I believe India has the most beautiful scenery in the world.

Multiple issues: 'I feel like' is informal but acceptable; main grammatical issues are preposition and word choice: 'visit any other country to expand the beauty' is unclear—use 'visit other countries to find more beauty'. Also 'all across the world' is better as 'in the world'. Suggestion: simplify clauses, use commas around appositives ('my country, India'), and choose clearer prepositions ('in the world').