Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix tense and preposition errors (e.g., "abroad", "bought a new camera"). Keep to 2–4 sentences and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views. For example, when I travel abroad with my husband I always take photos to remember the places, and recently I bought a new camera which makes my pictures much clearer.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and give one specific reason using linking words. Use correct vocabulary ("buildings" vs "builds") and avoid filler words. Keep sentences short and coherent.

例: I prefer rural views to urban ones. Because I live in Tokyo, I often photograph the countryside for variety and calm scenery, especially traditional houses and rice fields.

提案: Make your meaning clear: say you prefer photographing abroad and explain why with a specific reason. Avoid unclear phrases like "save viewers on my home over my brain." Use linking words (e.g., "because", "for example") and give a concrete detail of what you find memorable.

例: I prefer photographing views in other countries because I enjoy capturing unique cultures and landscapes. For example, I like taking photos of local markets and historic buildings that are very different from places at home.

× Yes, I prefer to take pictures of different views because I like going to travel with my husband and I definitely take a picture on abroad and recently I put a new camera so I.

✓ Yes, I prefer to take pictures of different scenes because I like traveling with my husband. I definitely take photos when I go abroad, and I recently bought a new camera.

The original contains multiple sentence structure and grammar issues: awkward phrasing ('going to travel' should be 'traveling'), incorrect preposition ('on abroad' should be 'abroad' or 'when I go abroad'), and incorrect verb tense/word choice ('put a new camera' should be 'bought a new camera'). Split into two clear sentences to improve clarity. Suggestion: use 'traveling with my husband', 'take photos when I go abroad', and 'bought a new camera'.

× I like builds in rural areas because I live in Tokyo, which is city, uh, correct exactly around areas.

✓ I like buildings in rural areas, because I live in Tokyo, which is a city, so I prefer the countryside.

Errors include wrong noun form ('builds' -> 'buildings') and awkward clause 'which is city, uh, correct exactly around areas.' Use 'which is a city' and add a clear result clause like 'so I prefer the countryside.' Also add the article 'a' before 'city'. Suggestion: say 'I like buildings in rural areas' or simply 'I prefer rural areas because I live in Tokyo, which is a city.'

× So I tend to take a picture in rural areas.

✓ So I tend to take pictures in rural areas.

Minor error: singular 'a picture' is acceptable but 'take pictures' sounds natural and matches habitual action. Use plural for general habit. Suggestion: use 'take pictures' for repeated actions.

× I prefer views in other countries because I would like to save viewers on my home over my brain and I would like to save memorable things, so I do.

✓ I prefer scenes in other countries because I want to save memories of my travels; I like to keep memorable experiences.

The original is confused: 'save viewers on my home over my brain' is nonsensical. Likely intended meaning is preserving memories. Replace with 'save memories of my travels' or 'keep memorable experiences.' Also simplify 'so I do' to a clear statement. Suggestion: say 'I prefer scenes in other countries because I want to preserve memories of my travels.'