Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and give a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Keep it concise (max 4–5 short sentences). Mention your passion and one concrete example relating to your Fine Arts background to sound natural and relevant.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. I studied Fine Arts at university, where I learned composition and lighting, so I often photographed landscapes and cityscapes for class projects. For example, I frequently shot sunsets for my portfolio because they taught me how to balance colour and contrast.

提案: State your preference clearly, then explain with linking words and a specific reason or example. Avoid repeating filler words. Use one linking phrase like 'because' or 'for example' to connect ideas and keep answer within 3–4 sentences.

例: I prefer both urban and rural views because my projects often require different moods. For example, I choose rural scenes when I need calm, natural backgrounds, but I photograph urban areas when I want dynamic lines and architectural details.

提案: Give a direct answer and support it with a specific reason and a brief example. Replace fillers with clear vocabulary (e.g., 'crowded', 'distracting', 'better opportunities'). Limit to 2–3 sentences to be concise and effective.

例: I prefer photographing views in other countries because my city is very crowded, which makes it hard to capture quiet scenes. For instance, I visited a coastal town abroad last year and could shoot unobstructed seaside landscapes without passersby interfering.

× Yes, uh, I like, uh, taking, uh, pictures, uh, because of that, uh, I graduated Fine Arts university and when I was, uh, in university, I often, uh, I off often, uh, took.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures because I graduated from the Fine Arts University, and when I was at university I often took them.

The original sentence has multiple disfluencies and incorrect structure. Issues: missing preposition 'from' after 'graduated', incorrect sequence 'when I was in university' should be 'when I was at university', redundant fragments 'I often, uh, I off often, uh, took' need to be condensed to 'I often took them'. Suggestion: remove filler words, add 'from' after 'graduated', use 'at university' and place the verb 'took' correctly with its object 'them' or 'pictures' to form a complete, clear sentence.

× Uh, I prefer both of them, uh, due to umm, uh, I have uh, a lot of different projects. Sometimes I need to, uh, rural, uh, pictures. Sometimes I need to, uh, urban, uh, pictures.

✓ I prefer both because I have a lot of different projects. Sometimes I need rural pictures; sometimes I need urban pictures.

The original contains unnecessary fillers and awkward phrasing. 'Due to' was used incorrectly to mean 'because' (both can work but 'because' is clearer here). Also 'need to, rural, pictures' is fragmented; the verb 'need' should directly take the noun phrase 'rural pictures'. Suggestion: remove fillers, use 'because' or restructure 'due to' with a noun phrase, and place the adjective before the noun (rural pictures, urban pictures). This addresses incorrect word order and sentence structure.

× Actually, uh, I prefer uh, another country, uh, because of uh, uh, my city is very crowded, uh, and uh, when I, uh, taking pictures, uh, and uh, there are a lot of people.

✓ Actually, I prefer another country because my city is very crowded, and when I take pictures there are a lot of people.

The original incorrectly uses the present participle 'taking' after 'when I'; a finite verb form 'take' is required for the clause 'when I take pictures'. Also the clause 'because of my city is very crowded' is wrong: use 'because my city is very crowded' or 'because my city is very crowded and there are a lot of people when I take pictures'. Suggestion: remove fillers, use correct verb form 'take' for time clauses, and connect clauses properly using 'because' to give a clear reason.