Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar; start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and give one brief reason with a linking word. Watch for incorrect phrases (e.g., "view views", "objective of the camera").

例: No, I don't usually take photos of views. I prefer to enjoy the scene with my own eyes because taking pictures can distract me from the moment. For example, when I watch a sunset, I like to remember how it felt rather than look at it later on a screen.

提案: Provide a direct statement then one clear reason using linking words; avoid fillers and unclear metaphors (e.g., "more moons"). Use specific vocabulary (mountains, forests, open fields) and a concise comparison to urban views.

例: I prefer rural views, especially mountains and forests, because natural landscapes feel more dramatic and peaceful than cityscapes. For instance, the broad mountain ranges and quiet forests offer a sense of space that busy streets and tall buildings do not.

提案: Give a clear preference or balanced view, then support it with specific examples and linking words. Avoid vague phrases and repetition; mention particular countries or types of scenery you like to be specific.

例: I don't have a strong preference because every country offers unique scenery. For example, my country has coastal beaches and rolling hills, while abroad I enjoyed the alpine views in Switzerland; therefore I appreciate both local and foreign landscapes for different reasons.

× No, I don't usually take pictures either of city views or for nature view views photos just because it's not so much point in that I prefer rather enjoying the view using my own eyes rather than us through an objective of the objective of a camera.

✓ No, I don't usually take pictures of city views or nature views, because there's not much point; I prefer enjoying the view with my own eyes rather than through the lens of a camera.

Multiple preposition and phrasing errors: 'either of city views or for nature view' should be 'of city views or nature views' (preposition 'for' and word order wrong). 'Not so much point in that' should be 'not much point' and 'in that' is unnecessary. 'Using my own eyes rather than us through an objective of the objective of a camera' has wrong pronoun and preposition use and misused vocabulary: use 'with my own eyes' and 'through the lens of a camera'. Suggestion: simplify the sentence, use 'of' after 'take pictures', use 'with' for means (with my eyes), and replace 'objective' with 'lens'.

× Oh, I think I prefer more rural areas like, uh, mountains and stuff, you know, because like, umm, what people are building will never be comparable to the scales and, uh, you know, force of nature that's had time to build more moons, let's say monstrous views in the nature.

✓ Oh, I think I prefer rural areas, like mountains and so on, because what people build can never compare to the scale and force of nature, which has had time to create truly monumental natural views.

Quantifier and word choice errors: 'prefer more rural areas' is awkward; 'prefer rural areas' is sufficient. 'What people are building' is correct tense but can be simplified to 'what people build'. 'More moons, let's say monstrous views in the nature' is meaningless and mixes quantifiers ('more') and metaphors poorly. Use 'truly monumental natural views' to express magnitude. Also adjust relative clause: 'which has had time' refers to nature. Suggestion: remove filler words, choose precise quantifiers like 'truly' or 'monumental', and ensure metaphors are clear.

× Any country has its own, uh, good kind of views. They have like different type of nature, different type of terrains, uh, different type of, you know, overall temperature that's the country is in.

✓ Every country has its own kinds of attractive views. They have different types of nature, different kinds of terrain, and different overall climates.

Pronoun and noun-number errors: 'Any country has its own, uh, good kind of views' is awkward; 'Every country has its own kinds of attractive views' is clearer. 'They have like different type of nature, different type of terrains' uses singular 'type' with plural nouns; use 'different types of nature' and 'different kinds of terrain'. 'Overall temperature that's the country is in' misuses 'that's' and 'in'; replace with 'overall climates'. Suggestion: ensure agreement between 'type/kind' and plural nouns, and use 'climate' for country-wide temperature patterns.

× So like that's forming different kind of views overall in all those countries that I've been to, or at least.

✓ So those differences create a variety of views across the countries I've been to, at least.

Awkward sentence structure and redundancy: 'So like that's forming different kind of views overall in all those countries that I've been to, or at least' is ungrammatical and wordy. 'That's forming' is vague; use 'those differences create'. 'Different kind' should be 'different kinds' or 'a variety of'. 'In all those countries that I've been to, or at least' is redundant; simplify to 'across the countries I've been to, at least.' Suggestion: remove filler words, use clear subjects and verb phrases, and ensure number agreement.