Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct tense and avoid fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Correct verb forms (e.g., use present simple for general habits) and remove hesitation phrases like “Or I mean.”

例: Yes, I do. Since I bought an iPhone, I take many photos of landscapes and cityscapes. For example, I often experiment with different angles and natural light to create more dramatic compositions.

提案: Clarify your preference and avoid contradicting statements or excessive hesitation. Give a clear topic sentence stating your choice, then explain reasons with specific comparisons using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'however'). Keep to two or three sentences maximum.

例: I prefer rural views because I enjoy open fields and peaceful landscapes. However, I also appreciate cityscapes for their modern architecture, so sometimes I take urban photos when I want strong lines and night lights.

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy and provide clearer, specific details. Use correct word order and complete clauses (e.g., 'a lot of spectacular scenery'). Add linking words like 'for example' or 'such as' and give one concrete image or reason to support your preference.

例: I prefer views in my own country, Vietnam, because it has a lot of spectacular scenery. For example, the rugged mountains and long sandy coasts relax me and make me proud of my homeland.

× Since I bought an iPhone, I really enjoyed taking photos of different views, such as landscapes and cityscapes I'd often experience.

✓ Since I bought an iPhone, I have really enjoyed taking photos of different views, such as landscapes and cityscapes I often experience.

The original mixes past simple ('bought') with 'really enjoyed' which implies a continuing preference; use present perfect ('have enjoyed') to show an action or preference that started in the past and continues to the present. Also 'I'd often experience' is incorrect for the meaning; use 'I often experience' (simple present) to indicate habitual experiences. Suggestion: use present perfect after 'since' for ongoing situations and simple present for habitual actions.

× Or I mean I often experiment with angles and lighting to make my pictures more interesting.

✓ I mean, I often experiment with angles and lighting to make my pictures more interesting.

The sentence is mostly correct grammatically but punctuation/flow was awkward ('Or I mean' is redundant after a previous statement). Keeping 'experiment' (simple present) is correct for habitual action. Suggestion: remove 'Or' and add commas to improve clarity.

× Alright, OK, I, uh, like, uh, fields of rural areas more because I love the technology.

✓ Alright. I like rural fields more because I love nature.

The original contains a pronoun/word choice mismatch: 'fields of rural areas' is wordy and 'because I love the technology' contradicts preferring rural views. Replace with 'rural fields' and correct the reasoning to 'I love nature' or adjust depending on intended meaning. Suggestion: choose consistent nouns and pronouns and ensure the reason matches the preference.

× I love the modern architecture in the the cities, so I take a lot of Also when I turn to.

✓ I love the modern architecture in the cities, so I also take a lot of photos when I go there.

The original is ungrammatical and fragmented: duplicated 'the the', incomplete clause 'so I take a lot of Also when I turn to'. Correction removes duplication, completes the clause using 'also' correctly and supplies a verb phrase 'take a lot of photos' and correct verb for movement 'go there'. Suggestion: avoid duplication, complete fragments, and keep parallel structure.

× I prefer views in my own country, Vietnam, because it has a lot spectacular scenery.

✓ I prefer views in my own country, Vietnam, because it has a lot of spectacular scenery.

The phrase 'a lot spectacular scenery' is missing 'of' after 'lot' when followed by a noun phrase; correct is 'a lot of spectacular scenery'. Suggestion: use 'a lot of' + noun, or 'much'/'many' appropriately.

× For example, I love the coastal views and the mountains that get which make me feel relaxed and proud of my homeland.

✓ For example, I love the coastal views and the mountains, which make me feel relaxed and proud of my homeland.

The original contains the extraneous words 'get which' creating an error in relative clause structure. Remove 'get' and use a comma before 'which' to introduce a non-restrictive relative clause describing the views. Suggestion: use correct relative pronoun placement and remove unnecessary words.