Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one brief reason and a specific example. Avoid redundancy (e.g. "getting into clicking pictures" and "not really into photography" convey the same idea). Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas smoothly.

例: Not really — I prefer to enjoy the moment rather than spend time taking photos because it feels more relaxing. For example, when I visit a concert I focus on the music instead of filming it on my phone.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid repetition. Give one or two specific reasons with concrete details and use linking words (for example, "because", "also"). Replace vague words like "feasible" with more appropriate adjectives such as "peaceful" or "scenic."

例: I prefer rural areas because they have more open space and greenery. For example, the farmland and trees outside my hometown create a peaceful atmosphere where I can relax and take long walks.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, then add a specific reason and a brief example. Avoid repeating "other countries" and replace general phrases with concrete comparisons (mention a country or a type of landscape). Use linking words like "because" and "for instance."

例: I prefer views in other countries because they often offer different landscapes and more open space. For instance, when I visited New Zealand I was impressed by the wide green fields and quiet coastal views, which felt very relaxing.

× I am not really into photography because I would prefer to enjoy the moment rather than getting into clicking pictures.

✓ I am not really into photography because I would prefer to enjoy the moment rather than get into taking pictures.

The original uses a mix of 'getting into clicking pictures' which is awkward and uses two gerunds together. After 'rather than' when contrasting preferences, use the base form 'get' (or parallel structure) and then the gerund 'taking' for 'taking pictures'. Suggestion: use parallel and natural phrasing: 'rather than get into taking pictures' or better 'rather than taking pictures.'

× I would prefer rural area because there are not many buildings which are there in rural areas.

✓ I would prefer rural areas because there are not as many buildings there in rural areas.

The original uses singular 'rural area' then refers to 'rural areas'; this is inconsistent. Also 'which are there in rural areas' is redundant. Use plural 'rural areas' to match general preference and simplify: 'there are not as many buildings there.' Suggest using consistent plural or singular form throughout the sentence.

× Plus greenery and farmland is also there which will make the environment quite feasible and scenic.

✓ Also, the greenery and farmland there make the environment pleasant and scenic.

'Greenery and farmland is' incorrectly uses singular verb with a compound subject; should be 'make.' 'Feasible' is incorrect adjective for environment; use 'pleasant' or 'enjoyable.' The sentence is also wordy—simplify and ensure subject-verb agreement and correct adjective choice.

× I prefer views of other countries because in other countries there are more open spaces, greenery and peaceful environment which makes you feel relaxed.

✓ I prefer views of other countries because in other countries there are more open spaces, greenery and a peaceful environment that make you feel relaxed.

'Peaceful environment' needs an article 'a' when referring to 'a peaceful environment.' Also subject-verb agreement: compound subject 'open spaces, greenery and a peaceful environment' should take plural verb 'make' not 'makes.' Use 'that' to introduce the effect clause. Repetition 'in other countries' is acceptable but can be shortened for style.