Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm, you know), reduce repetition, and give one specific supporting detail. Use linking words if you add details. Keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. I especially like photographing natural scenes on my phone because they help me remember places I’ve visited. For example, on my last trip I took several landscape photos that remind me of the mountains and sunsets.

提案: Answer directly and clearly: state your preference in the first sentence, then give specific reasons with clearer vocabulary and linking words. Remove contradictions and fillers. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer views in urban areas. Urban places offer a mix of scenic spots and historic buildings, so I enjoy photographing architecture and lively streets. In contrast, rural views are quieter but less varied for the kind of photos I like.

提案: State your preference clearly, avoid vague phrases and repeated words, and give one or two specific comparisons or examples. Use cohesive devices (however, although) to show contrast. Keep answer concise (2–3 sentences).

例: I prefer views in my own country, Nepal, because it has breathtaking mountain scenery and unique cultural landscapes. Although other countries may have better infrastructure, Nepal’s natural beauty and traditional villages make its views more special to me.

× I probably like taking pictures of different views because capturing my umm, you know, like natural beauty in my mix, in my mobile phone camera, uh, makes, uh, it makes it is like making memory and yeah.

✓ I probably like taking pictures of different views because capturing natural beauty on my mobile phone camera makes memories.

The sentence has unnecessary filler words and incorrect use of verb forms ('makes, it makes it is like making memory'). Use 'capturing' (present participle) correctly as a noun phrase, and 'makes memories' is the correct verb + plural noun. Remove redundant phrases ('in my mix', repeated 'it makes'). Also use 'on my mobile phone camera' rather than 'in'. Keep tense present simple for general preference.

× So I have taken in my journey also.

✓ So I have taken them during my journeys as well.

The original is awkward and missing an object; 'taken' requires an object (pictures). Present perfect 'have taken' is fine for experiences, but use 'them' or 'pictures' and pluralize 'journey' to 'journeys' if referring to multiple trips. Add 'during' and 'as well' for clarity.

× Mostly I prefer views in urban areas rather than rural areas because, uh, you know, like urban areas have many, uh, scenic beauty and they have like, uh, so many historic, uh, you know, views also.

✓ I mostly prefer urban views to rural ones because urban areas have a lot of scenic beauty and many historic sights.

Use 'prefer A to B' not 'prefer A rather than B' for preferences. 'Views in urban areas' can be shortened to 'urban views'; 'many scenic beauty' is incorrect—use 'a lot of scenic beauty' or 'many scenic places'; 'historic views' is awkward—'historic sights' is better. Remove fillers and redundant words.

× But in rural areas it is more city area, so.

✓ But rural areas are more countryside, so they are quieter.

The original misuses 'it' and 'city area' when contrasting rural areas. Use plural 'rural areas are' and choose correct noun 'countryside' or describe a quality. Add a result clause if needed. Also avoid trailing 'so' without completion.

× Nepal itself has many, you know, realistic view and breathtaking scenic beauty rather than other countries.

✓ Nepal itself has many realistic views and breathtaking scenery compared to other countries.

'View' should be plural 'views' and 'scenic beauty' is better as 'scenery'. Use 'compared to' rather than 'rather than' for comparisons between countries. 'Realistic' is unusual here but acceptable if meaning 'authentic'; ensure adjective agrees with noun.

× Yeah, other countries might have developed infrastructure, developed country they have, they might have developed services also.

✓ Other countries might have more developed infrastructure and services.

The original repeats and misorders phrases ('developed infrastructure, developed country they have'). Combine ideas with 'and' and use comparative 'more developed' if contrasting with Nepal. Remove repetition and use parallel structure.

× But my Nepal has beautiful views, so.

✓ But Nepal has beautiful views.

'My Nepal' is unnatural in this context; simply 'Nepal' suffices. The trailing 'so' is incomplete; remove it. Keep the sentence concise and complete.