Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce repetition, add a clear topic sentence, and give one or two concise supporting details using linking words. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., enjoy, relaxing, capture memories) and limit to 3–4 sentences to sound natural and effective.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views, especially when I am with my family. For example, I like capturing landscapes during family trips because it helps me remember the mood and place. Also, I sometimes take photos with friends to keep fun memories.

提案: Provide a direct preference (or say you like both) and then give specific reasons with linking words (for example, however, because). Avoid filler words and repetitions; keep to 2–3 sentences with concrete examples (e.g., city skylines, quiet countryside).

例: I like both urban and rural views, but I prefer rural areas for their peaceful scenery because they help me relax. However, I also enjoy urban skylines for their energy and architecture, especially when I take photos at sunset.

提案: State a clear preference or explain your dream briefly, then give specific reasons and examples. Remove hesitations and repeated words. Use linking phrases such as because or for example, and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I would like to see views in other countries because I want to experience different landscapes and cultures. For example, I dream of visiting Canada and Australia to photograph diverse nature and unique cities.

× Yes, I like taking picture especially with my family.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures, especially with my family.

The noun 'picture' should be plural 'pictures' because it refers to the general activity of taking multiple photos. Use plural when speaking about things in general. Suggestion: use 'pictures' for general activities or add a determiner like 'a picture' if referring to a single photo.

× I feel comfortable while taking pictures as with my family, sometimes with my friends.

✓ I feel comfortable taking pictures with my family, and sometimes with my friends.

The phrase 'while taking pictures as with my family' is awkward and redundant. Remove 'while' and 'as' and join ideas with 'and' to show addition. Maintain present simple 'feel' for general state. Suggestion: use clear connectors and avoid extra prepositions.

× It is very good for me to to take some pictures and especially when I am in good mood.

✓ It is very good for me to take some pictures, especially when I am in a good mood.

There is a duplicated 'to' and missing article 'a' before 'good mood.' Use infinitive 'to take' once and include 'a' for the noun phrase 'a good mood.' Suggestion: proofread for duplicated words and include articles with countable noun phrases.

× So it depends yes, I I would like to see both of them because, uh, they are very good for me.

✓ It depends; I would like to see both because they are both interesting to me.

The original has filler words and repetition ('I I'), and 'both of them' is unclear. Rephrasing clarifies meaning and removes hesitation. Suggestion: remove disfluencies and use concise structures like 'It depends' and 'both'.

× In addition, it is very nice to see these kinds of things, especially when you, you visit uh yeah, the areas yes like this.

✓ In addition, it is very nice to see these kinds of places, especially when you visit areas like this.

'See these kinds of things' is vague; 'places' fits better. Remove extra fillers and use 'visit areas like this' rather than 'the areas.' Suggestion: choose precise nouns and omit filler words.

× Uh, my dream is to, to go to hotel countries like United States of America, Canada or Australia to, to, to see umm, to, to, to see them yes, this is still on in my mind, yes, I mean on my mind to, to go to another country to see to see them, yes.

✓ My dream is to go to countries like the United States, Canada, or Australia to see them. This is still on my mind; I really want to go to another country to visit them.

Several issues: 'hotel countries' is incorrect — likely meant 'hot' or simply 'countries' and 'United States of America' should include the definite article 'the United States.' Repetition and fillers should be removed. Also 'see them' or 'visit them' is fine; use 'visit' for places. Suggestion: remove repetitions and fillers, use correct article 'the' for 'United States,' and choose precise verbs like 'visit.'