Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (umm, uh), and give one specific reason with a brief example. Use linking words to connect ideas. Aim for 2–4 sentences. Improve vocabulary by replacing vague words like “so many” with specific terms such as “lots of” or “numerous.”

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing different views. When I visit a city I often take numerous photos to preserve memories, for example, I photograph skyline views at sunset so I can remember the atmosphere later.

提案: Give a clear preference in the first sentence, then briefly explain with specific reasons and one comparison. Remove hesitation and correct grammar (e.g., 'comfort countryside' → 'peaceful countryside'). Use linking words such as 'however' or 'on the other hand' to contrast choices.

例: I generally prefer urban views because they offer diverse architecture and lively streets. However, when I feel stressed I enjoy the peaceful countryside for its open fields and quiet atmosphere.

提案: Start with a concise opinion (either 'both' or specify a preference), then support it with a clear reason and a brief example. Avoid repetitions and fillers; use linking words like 'because' and 'for example.' Correct grammar: 'hard to choice' → 'hard to choose' and avoid repeating 'enjoy.'

例: I like views in both my country and abroad because each place offers unique culture and scenery; for example, local festivals at home feel familiar, while visiting a foreign city lets me experience different architecture and traditions.

× Umm, when I go to one city, I will take so many pictures for me because this will be my memory in the future and I uh, will see these pictures.

✓ Umm, when I go to a city, I take many pictures for myself because they will be my memories in the future and I will look at them.

The original uses an awkward future construction 'will take' for habitual action when visiting a city; use simple present or present habitual for regular behavior. 'One city' is unnatural here; 'a city' is standard. 'For me' is better expressed as 'for myself'. 'This will be my memory' is singular and awkward; use plural 'they will be my memories'. Use 'look at them' instead of 'see these pictures' for natural phrasing.

× If I want to go to the comfort countryside I will like.

✓ If I want to go to the comfortable countryside, I will go.

The sentence misuses 'will like' and 'comfort'. 'Comfortable' is the correct adjective for 'countryside'. The conditional 'If I want to...' should be followed by an appropriate result: 'I will go' or 'I would like to', depending on meaning. Here 'I will go' fits better. Also add a comma for clarity.

× I'd like to see the rural areas but if I feel umm boring or I want to see some new things I will like.

✓ I'd like to see rural areas, but if I feel bored or I want to see something new, I prefer the city.

'Feel boring' is incorrect; use 'feel bored' (adjective describing the person). 'Some new things' can be 'something new'. 'I will like' is vague; use 'I prefer the city' to contrast preference. Also remove unnecessary definite article before 'rural areas'.

× I prefer views in urban area.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas.

'Urban area' is singular while 'views' is plural; use plural 'urban areas' to match. Alternatively, use 'the urban area' if referring to a specific area, but general preference requires plural.

× Oh this is difficult, it's hard to choice because every country has their own culture and views so I just think enjoying their different umm culture and different places just enjoy.

✓ Oh, this is difficult; it's hard to choose because every country has its own culture and sights, so I think it's enjoyable to experience different cultures and places.

Multiple problems: 'choice' is a noun; correct verb is 'choose' (word form error falls under sentence structure). 'Their' should agree with singular 'every country' so use 'its' (pronoun agreement). 'Views' is better as 'sights' or 'places'. The clause was repetitive and ungrammatical; rephrasing to 'it's enjoyable to experience different cultures and places' clarifies meaning and corrects sentence structure.