Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Говорите более уверенно и плавно: уберите заполнители (uh, umm), сократите повторения и исправьте грамматические ошибки. Начните с чёткой темы, затем добавьте одно-две конкретные детали (например, где вы путешествовали и какой кадр вам особенно понравился). Также используйте связки (for example, because) и избегайте лишних слов. Конкретные шаги: 1) Практикуйте короткие подготовленные фразы без «uh/umm». 2) Замените «keep this moments in the memory» на «preserve these moments» или «keep these memories». 3) Добавьте пример: что именно вы сфотографировали и почему это было важно.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures because I travel a lot and encounter spectacular views. For example, last summer I photographed a sunrise over the mountains, which captured the colours and felt unforgettable. I take photos mainly to preserve these memories and share them with friends.

提案: Сформулируйте ответ более полно и конкретно: начните с прямого утверждения, затем объясните причину и приведите конкретный пример или сравнение с сельской местностью. Уберите заполнители и слово «different» замените на более описательное. Добавьте связку (because, for example, while).

例: I prefer urban views because I live in the city and enjoy the skyline and architecture. For example, I like photographing skyscrapers and busy streets, which offer striking patterns of light and movement, while rural scenes tend to be quieter and less varied.

提案: Сделайте ответ логичным и завершённым: завершите мысль после «atmosphere», уберите повтор «different views», добавьте конкретику — какие страны или виды вам особенно нравятся и почему. Используйте связки (because, for instance, such as) и более точную лексику («scenery», «landscapes»).

例: I prefer views in other countries because each place has its own unique atmosphere and culture. For instance, I enjoy photographing the alpine scenery in Switzerland and the modern skylines in Singapore, as they offer very different colours and shapes to capture.

× Yes, I like taking pictures, uh, because I travel a lot and I can see a lot of, uh, spectacular views. Uh, that's why it's uh, very important, I think to take pictures to keep this moments in the memory.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures because I travel a lot and see many spectacular views. I think it is very important to take pictures to keep these moments in memory.

The original contains redundant filler words (uh), awkward phrasing and article/number errors. 'a lot of, uh, spectacular views' is wordy; use 'many spectacular views'. 'that's why it's uh, very important, I think to take pictures to keep this moments in the memory' has wrong article 'this moments' (should be 'these moments') and unnecessary 'the' before 'memory'. Also word order is awkward. Suggest removing fillers, use correct demonstrative plural 'these', and omit 'the' before 'memory'.

× I prefer views in urban areas, uh, because I live in the city and I can see a lot of skyscrapers and umm, cities are so different.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas because I live in the city and can see many skyscrapers, and cities are very different.

Remove fillers and tighten structure. 'a lot of skyscrapers' is acceptable but 'many skyscrapers' is more concise. 'cities are so different' is informal; 'cities are very different' is more appropriate. No extra pronoun needed before 'can see'.

× I prefer views in other countries because every new country has its own atmosphere and. I like taking pictures of different views from the mountains, from the skyscrapers.

✓ I prefer views in other countries because each new country has its own atmosphere. I like taking pictures of different views from the mountains and from skyscrapers.

The original has a sentence fragment 'and.' which breaks sentence structure. Use 'each' instead of 'every' + 'new' is odd together; 'each new country' or just 'each country' works. Also 'from the skyscrapers' should be 'from skyscrapers' or 'from the top of skyscrapers' depending on meaning. Combine into two clear sentences and remove the fragment.