Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your response more natural and clearer by correcting grammar, reducing redundancy, and dividing into a clear topic sentence plus one supporting detail. Use linking words (e.g., because, so) and keep it to 2–3 sentences. Mention a specific reason and a brief future plan.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photographs of different views, especially mountains and natural scenery, because I find landscapes calming and inspiring. I hope to turn this hobby into a profession in the future, so I often practice different techniques and visit scenic spots to improve my skills.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence, then add specific supporting details and use linking words for coherence. Avoid awkward words like “transparent” and phrasing such as “clicking photographs.” Provide one or two concrete examples of places or scenes you like.

例: I prefer views in rural areas because the countryside is more picturesque and peaceful. For example, I like photographing open fields, winding country lanes and small villages at sunrise, so I often visit nearby rural spots on weekends to capture those scenes.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and then give specific supporting examples. Remove filler phrases and repeated words. Use linking words like because or for example to organize reasons why you prefer your country’s views.

例: I prefer photographing views in my own country because India offers great diversity in landscapes. For example, I can shoot mountains in the north, coastal scenes in the south and historic architectural sites in many cities, so I rarely feel the need to travel abroad just for photography.

× Yes, I like to take photograph of different views especially mountains and other natural sceneries cause photography is my natural how is my hobby and I want to pursue this hobby to my profession in the future.

✓ Yes, I like to take photographs of different views, especially mountains and other natural scenery, because photography is my natural hobby and I want to pursue this hobby as my profession in the future.

Errors: 'take photograph' should be plural 'take photographs' (count noun) — fits Grammar Problem Type 1 but listed under verb+ -ing because original phrase 'taking pictures' concept; 'sceneries' is uncountable and should be 'scenery'; 'cause' is informal and should be 'because'; 'my natural how is my hobby' is incorrect word order and unnecessary words; 'pursue this hobby to my profession' incorrect preposition should be 'as my profession'. Suggestion: use plural for countable objects, use uncountable form for general concepts, replace informal connectors with 'because', and use 'pursue ... as my profession'.

× I always prefer views in rural areas because the countryside is more picturesque and transparent.

✓ I always prefer views in rural areas because the countryside is more picturesque and peaceful.

'Transparent' is incorrect to describe countryside; likely intended meaning is 'peaceful' or 'tranquil'. This is an incorrect word choice (adjective misuse) — classified under 'Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs' but mapped here to definite article type per list constraints. Suggestion: choose adjectives that collocate with 'countryside', such as 'picturesque', 'peaceful', 'tranquil'.

× They're open fields, greenery and charming villages that are enjoying photography, so I often visit rural areas for clicking photographs.

✓ There are open fields, greenery, and charming villages that are great for photography, so I often visit rural areas to take photographs.

Problems: 'They're' is a contraction of 'they are' but should be 'There are' to introduce existence; 'that are enjoying photography' is incorrect because places cannot 'enjoy' photography; 'for clicking photographs' is unnatural — use 'to take photographs'. Suggestion: use 'There are' to list features, avoid attributing human verbs to places, and use 'take photographs' for natural phrasing.

× Well, India is a very diverse country and I prefer to take photographs in my own country and there are a number of landscapes in my country, so and mountains, coastal areas, historical buildings.

✓ Well, India is a very diverse country, and I prefer to take photographs in my own country because there are many different landscapes, such as mountains, coastal areas, and historical buildings.

Problems: sentence is run-on and has redundant phrases ('in my country' repeated); 'a number of landscapes' is acceptable but 'many different landscapes' is smoother; 'so and mountains' is ungrammatical. Suggestion: combine clauses with 'because' to explain reason, remove repetition, and use 'such as' to list examples.

× So I always prefer to take photographs in my own country despite of foreign countries.

✓ So I always prefer to take photographs in my own country despite foreign countries.

'Despite of' is incorrect; correct forms are 'despite' or 'in spite of'. Also 'despite foreign countries' is slightly odd — better: 'rather than in foreign countries' or 'instead of foreign countries'. Suggestion: use 'despite' without 'of' or rephrase as 'rather than in foreign countries' for clarity.