Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details linked with connectors. Correct grammar (use present tense for habits), avoid redundancy, and limit to max 5 sentences. For example, say you enjoy photographing landscapes, mention a specific scene (mountains), explain why (emotion, motivation), and give one brief example of where you like to shoot.

例: I enjoy taking pictures of different views, especially mountain landscapes because they look dramatic and peaceful. For example, when I photograph a mountain at sunrise, the light and colors make me feel happy and inspired. This motivates me to explore new places and try different compositions.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence and give a specific reason using linking words. Fix grammar (article and verb forms), avoid unclear phrases like "ascertain" and "real footage." Provide a concise comparison if needed. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer views in rural areas because they feel more natural and cinematic. For instance, rolling fields and quiet villages often have authentic scenes and changing light that are great for photography.

提案: Give a direct, concise answer then add one specific reason and a brief supporting detail. Avoid exaggeration like "most beautiful in the world" without justification. Correct grammar and phrasing (plural/singular, word order). Name a clear reason for preferring your country and mention other countries as future plans, not in the same sentence as preference.

例: I prefer views in my own country because I feel connected to its landscapes and know the best spots to photograph. However, I would also like to visit places like Switzerland and the UK in the future to experience different scenery and learn new photography techniques.

× I enjoyed taking a picture of a different view because capturing a beautiful scenery mountain.

✓ I enjoyed taking a picture of a different view because I was capturing a beautiful mountain scenery.

The sentence mixes past tense 'enjoyed' with a non-finite clause 'capturing' without a subject, causing awkwardness. Use a past continuous or past participle with a subject to match tense: 'I was capturing' or 'capturing it'. Also 'scenery mountain' word order is incorrect; correct collocation is 'mountain scenery' or 'scenic mountain'.

× At least makes me happy and makes me motivated that I wanted to explore many. Other places also.

✓ It at least makes me happy and motivates me, and I wanted to explore many other places as well.

Original has missing subject and poor clause connections. Begin with subject 'It' and use parallel verbs: 'makes me happy and motivates me'. 'Many. Other places also.' are sentence fragments; combine into a single clause 'many other places as well'.

× I prefer a views in rural areas because rural areas are most cinematic and ascertain rural area shows the real footage of every view that how it really being there.

✓ I prefer views in rural areas because rural areas are more cinematic and show how the scenery really is there.

'a views' uses incorrect article with plural; remove 'a'. 'are most cinematic' should be comparative 'are more cinematic'. 'Ascertain' is the wrong word; use 'and' or remove. 'rural area shows the real footage of every view that how it really being there' is ungrammatical: use 'show how the scenery really is' and match verb tense and subject-verb agreement.

× I prefer a view in my own country because I believe that my country is the most beautiful country in the world and I also shortlisted some countries in my mind that I wanted to visit there once in my life, such as Switzerland, UK and etcetera.

✓ I prefer views in my own country because I believe my country is one of the most beautiful in the world, and I have also shortlisted some countries I want to visit in my life, such as Switzerland and the UK.

Use plural 'views' to match general preference. 'The most beautiful country in the world' is an absolute claim; 'one of the most beautiful' is more natural. 'Shortlisted some countries in my mind' is awkward; use 'have shortlisted' or 'have in mind'. 'I wanted to visit there once in my life' mixes tenses; use present 'I want to visit in my life'. Use article 'the UK' and avoid 'and etcetera' which is redundant.

× ...such as Switzerland, UK and etcetera.

✓ ...such as Switzerland and the UK.

'and etcetera' is redundant and ungrammatical; 'such as' already indicates examples. Use correct article 'the UK'.