Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce personal names or irrelevant words and keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of interesting views because photography helps me preserve memories. For example, I often photograph sunsets and cityscapes, and later I look back at those images to remember special moments.

提案: Clarify your preference and avoid contradictions (you said 'take video' accidentally). Use a clear topic sentence and provide two specific reasons with linking words like 'because' and 'for example'. Keep sentences grammatical and concise.

例: I prefer photographing rural views because they are quieter and cleaner than cities. For example, I like shooting green fields and quiet rivers because the natural light and open space make better photos.

提案: Give a direct, fluent answer and avoid unclear phrasing like 'mesmerize' used awkwardly. State your preference in one sentence, then justify with specific reasons or an example. Use linking words such as 'because' or 'for instance'.

例: I prefer the views in my own country because the sunrises and sunsets there are especially beautiful. For instance, the green fields near my hometown create stunning colours at dusk that I haven't seen elsewhere.

× Absolutely, I am a photogenic person and whenever I see good views and very mesmerizing views, I prefer to take pictures so that I can make memories and then whenever I get time, I can watch it and I can remember the good moments that I have spent it in my life.

✓ Absolutely, I am a photogenic person and whenever I see beautiful and mesmerizing views, I prefer to take pictures so that I can capture memories and later, when I have time, I can look at them and remember the good moments I have spent in my life.

The phrase 'good views and very mesmerizing views' is repetitive and awkward; replace with 'beautiful and mesmerizing views' to use adjectives correctly. 'Make memories' is more natural as 'capture memories' when referring to photographs. 'Watch it' is incorrect for photos; use 'look at them.' 'I have spent it in my life' uses wrong object pronoun and is redundant; use 'I have spent' without 'it.' Suggestion: avoid repetition, choose appropriate verbs for actions with photos, and use correct pronouns.

× I prefer to take pictures of ruler views because in urban cities there is a lot of population and pollution, cars and traffic, so I prefer to take video.

✓ I prefer to take pictures of rural views because in urban cities there is a lot of population, pollution, cars, and traffic, so I prefer rural scenes.

'Ruler views' is a misspelling of 'rural views.' 'Take video' is inconsistent with 'take pictures' and unclear; keep focus on pictures or say 'take videos' if intended. The list 'population and pollution, cars and traffic' needs commas and parallel structure. Suggestion: correct spelling, maintain parallelism, and keep consistent vocabulary for pictures/videos.

× I prefer to take pictures of rural areas because their beauty, the nature, the environment I get to face and rural areas is.

✓ I prefer to take pictures of rural areas because I get to experience their beauty, nature, and peaceful environment.

The original sentence has a broken structure and redundancy ('the environment I get to face and rural areas is'). Reorder to a clear subject-verb-object pattern: 'I get to experience their beauty, nature, and peaceful environment.' Use 'experience' instead of 'get to face' for natural English and remove repeated 'rural areas.' Suggestion: create concise lists and ensure the sentence has a clear subject and verb.

× To be honest, if I have to do a little comparison between the views of my country and from other countries, I always prefer to mesmerize and enjoy the views of my own country.

✓ To be honest, if I have to compare the views of my country with those of other countries, I always prefer to admire and enjoy the views of my own country.

Use 'compare ... with' rather than 'comparison between ... and from.' 'Prefer to mesmerize' is incorrect because 'mesmerize' is usually used in passive or causative sense; use 'admire' or 'be mesmerized by.' Also use 'those of other countries' to correctly refer back to 'views.' Suggestion: use correct comparative structures and verbs that fit the intended meaning.

× Because the sunrise and the sunset of my country are so beautiful that I don't think so that I have to.

✓ The sunrises and sunsets in my country are so beautiful that I don't think I have to go elsewhere to enjoy them.

The clause is incomplete and awkward. 'I don't think so that I have to' is ungrammatical. Use 'I don't think I have to go elsewhere' to express the idea. Also pluralize 'sunrises and sunsets' for general statements and use 'in my country' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: complete the clause and use correct verb placement.

× I have to go to other countries to enjoy the views and the fields the green.

✓ I have to go to other countries to enjoy views or green fields.

The original is ungrammatical and redundant ('the fields the green'). Simplify to 'enjoy views or green fields' or 'enjoy the green fields.' Ensure correct noun phrase order: adjective before noun ('green fields'). Suggestion: keep phrases concise and place adjectives before nouns.