Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm), correct grammar, and give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Mention a concrete example or purpose to make your answer natural and informative.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. I usually photograph scenes to preserve memories and to remind myself of places I’ve visited. For example, when I travel by bus, I often take photos of street scenes and landscapes because they help me remember the atmosphere of each place.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then add specific reasons using linking words and avoid repetition. Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'countryside' or 'natural scenery') and one concrete example or brief comparison to support your choice.

例: I prefer rural views to urban ones because the countryside offers more natural scenery and a peaceful atmosphere. For instance, I enjoy photographing rolling hills and small villages since they feel less crowded and more picturesque than city streets.

提案: Start with a clear statement of your preference and correct grammar (e.g., 'I haven't been abroad'). Give specific examples of places in your country and explain why you prefer them, using linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: I prefer views in my own country because I haven’t had the chance to travel abroad. China has a wide variety of landscapes, from mountains like Zhangjiajie to coastal areas such as Hainan, so I can always find distinctive scenery to photograph.

× Of course, I do like taking pictures of different views because, umm, wherever I go, I went.

✓ Of course, I do like taking pictures of different views because wherever I go, I take them.

The student mixed present and past tense ('go' with 'went'). Maintain present tense for habitual actions: use 'wherever I go' and 'I take them.' Also removed filler commas and redundant 'do' is acceptable but 'I take them' is clearer. Suggestion: keep verb tenses consistent for habits.

× I like that bus.

✓ I like that, too.

'I like that bus' is likely incorrect contextually: student meant agreement with taking pictures. Using 'that' or 'that, too' expresses agreement. If they meant a specific bus, keep original; otherwise change to 'that, too.' Suggestion: choose a pronoun/reference that matches context.

× I will take pictures of it's for, it's for, uh, memory and in the future leave impression.

✓ I take pictures for memories and to leave an impression in the future.

Multiple issues: 'it's' is incorrect possessive/contracted form and repeated; 'for memory' should be 'for memories' (plural) and 'in the future leave impression' is ungrammatical. Recast using infinitives: 'for memories' and 'to leave an impression in the future.' Suggestion: use correct pronouns and noun forms and clear infinitive phrases.

× To be honest, both of the views I really love, but if you need me to choose, uh, one of that, I would choose rural areas because rural areas means that kind of views are more natural.

✓ To be honest, I really love both kinds of views, but if you want me to choose one, I would choose rural areas because those kinds of views are more natural.

Errors: 'both of the views I really love' word order awkward; 'one of that' incorrect demonstrative; 'rural areas means' subject-verb disagreement and 'that kind of views' incorrect agreement and singular/plural. Corrections: reorder phrase, use 'one' with 'if you want me to choose one', use plural 'those kinds of views' and plural verb 'are.' Suggestion: match singular/plural and use appropriate demonstratives.

× They are more, uh, natural, beautiful.

✓ They are more natural and beautiful.

Comma placement and word order are awkward. Use conjunction 'and' to link adjectives. Also avoid redundant 'more' before adjectives that already imply degree unless comparing; 'more natural and beautiful' is acceptable when comparing. Suggestion: use 'and' to connect adjectives and remove unnecessary pauses.

× To be honest, I haven't go abroad to other countries, so if I need to answer this question, I would like to choose our own country, China.

✓ To be honest, I haven't gone abroad, so if I have to answer this question, I would choose my own country, China.

Incorrect past participle 'go' after 'haven't' should be 'gone' (present perfect). 'Abroad to other countries' is redundant; 'abroad' suffices. 'If I need to answer' better as 'if I have to answer' and 'would like to choose our own country' simplified to 'would choose my own country.' Suggestion: use correct past participle with perfect tense and natural phrasing.

× There are many different, uh, natural views in our country.

✓ There are many different natural landscapes in my country.

'Natural views' is awkward collocation; 'landscapes' fits better. Also replace 'our country' with 'my country' as speaker refers personally. Suggestion: choose correct nouns that collocate with 'natural' and use consistent perspective.

× Everywhere has every their special special points.

✓ Everywhere has its own special features.

'Every their' is incorrect pronoun usage; use 'its own' for singular 'everywhere.' 'Special points' is awkward; 'special features' is natural. Removed duplicate 'special.' Suggestion: use 'its own' with 'every' and select appropriate noun collocations.