Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid hesitations. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce repetition (e.g., "I love" repeated) and correct small grammar/capitalization errors. Aim for 2–4 fluent sentences with varied vocabulary (e.g., "capture", "scenery", "commute").

例: Yes, I really enjoy taking pictures of different views. For example, I live in Surrey where the sunsets and nearby hills look stunning, so I often photograph them during my commute on the SkyTrain and share the best shots with friends.

提案: Give a direct clear answer first and then compare briefly using linking words (e.g., "however", "but"). Reduce filler words and be specific about what you like in each setting. One or two supporting details are enough to show range and fluency.

例: I don't have a strong preference between urban and rural views. Urban views appeal to me because of dramatic skylines and lively streets; however, I also enjoy rural scenery like beaches and forests for their peaceful atmosphere.

提案: Give a clear stance (even if neutral) and then support it with specific comparisons. Avoid trailing off and incomplete sentences. Use linking words (e.g., "on the other hand", "for example") and precise vocabulary ("chirping" instead of "jimmering"). Keep it to 2–3 complete sentences.

例: I find both domestic and international views appealing for different reasons. For example, at home I appreciate mornings filled with birdsong and quiet sunsets, while in other countries I often enjoy striking architecture and cultural landmarks.

× Oh yeah, I love photography and I love capturing the beautiful moments of nature as I live in Surrey so there are very beautiful views of sunsets and mountains.

✓ Oh yeah, I love photography and I love capturing the beautiful moments of nature. I live in Surrey, so there are very beautiful views of sunsets and mountains.

Run-on sentence and comma use: Two independent clauses were joined without proper punctuation which affects clarity. Break into two sentences and add a comma after the introductory clause 'I live in Surrey' to improve flow and correctness.

× I uh, go to work When I go to work on the sky train, I love watching the views and I usually take pictures and send it to my friend.

✓ When I go to work on the SkyTrain, I love watching the views, and I usually take pictures and send them to my friends.

Pronoun and capitalization issues plus consistency: 'When I go to work' was duplicated and 'SkyTrain' is a proper noun that should be capitalized. 'Pictures' is plural so use the plural pronoun 'them' and 'friend' is more natural as 'friends' for typical usage. Also add commas to separate clauses.

× Uh, I don't have a specific preference. Uh, umm, like I like views when I go to beaches or when I go to work every day.

✓ I don't have a specific preference. I like views at the beach or when I commute to work every day.

Preposition and word choice: Use 'at the beach' (not 'to beaches') for general preference. 'Go to work' is fine but 'commute to work' is more natural. Remove filler words for clarity.

× I saw views when I go by the sky train, so yeah.

✓ I see views when I go by the SkyTrain, so yeah.

Tense inconsistency: 'I saw' (past) conflicts with 'I go' (present). Use present tense 'see' to match habitual action. Capitalize 'SkyTrain' and maintain present simple for routines.

× Umm, I cannot compare uh, with my country and other countries.

✓ I cannot compare my country with other countries.

Incorrect word order and unnecessary preposition: The verb 'compare' typically takes two objects without 'with' after 'compare' used this way. The correct structure is 'compare A with B' or 'compare A to B'. Remove extra filler words.

× My country has its own views, like the beautiful birds are jimmering in the morning or you know, sunsets.

✓ My country has its own scenery, like beautiful birds chirping in the morning and lovely sunsets.

Word choice and verb form: 'Views' is awkward here; 'scenery' is better. 'Jimmering' is incorrect; the correct verb is 'chirping' for birds. Use parallel nouns ('birds chirping' and 'sunsets') joined by 'and' for natural phrasing.

× And in other countries there are buildings and.

✓ In other countries, there are notable buildings and different urban sights.

Incomplete sentence and vagueness: The original ends abruptly with 'and.' Complete the thought by specifying what accompanies buildings, such as 'different urban sights' or 'modern architecture.' Add a comma after the introductory phrase.