Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Remove hesitations like "umm" and avoid repetition (e.g., "sceneries or anything").

例: No, I don't usually take many photos. Firstly, I'm not confident in photography, so my pictures often turn out poorly. Secondly, I prefer experiencing a place in person rather than recording it, so I rarely take photos when I travel.

提案: Open with a direct statement, then give two concise specific reasons using linking words. Avoid vague phrases like "kind of" and repetition about beauty—provide concrete details (architecture, nightlife, convenience).

例: I prefer urban views. For example, having grown up in Seoul, I appreciate the city’s modern architecture and vibrant street life. In addition, urban areas offer convenient amenities and varied cultural attractions, which I find more appealing than the quieter rural scenery.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer, then explain with specific reasons and examples. Replace informal words like "kinda" and "impressed" with precise vocabulary (e.g., "novel," "stimulating"). Avoid repeating "really."

例: I prefer views in other countries. I find foreign landscapes more novel and stimulating because they often feature different architecture, vegetation, and cultural landmarks. For instance, seeing historic European streets or tropical coastal scenery feels fresh and memorable compared with places I already know.

× To be honest, I'm not a fan of taking pictures of me and also a lot of sceneries or anything because I'm not good at it and also umm I don't really want to make a footage of the place that I went or visit.

✓ To be honest, I'm not a fan of taking pictures of myself or many sceneries because I'm not good at it, and I don't really want to make footage of the places I visited.

Incorrect pronoun 'me' should be the reflexive pronoun 'myself' when the subject and object are the same. 'A lot of sceneries' is unidiomatic; use 'many sceneries' or better 'many scenic views'. 'Make a footage' is incorrect because 'footage' is uncountable, so use 'make footage' or 'record footage'. Mix of past and base form 'went or visit' is inconsistent; use past 'visited' to match 'went' context. Suggestion: use reflexive pronoun, treat 'footage' as uncountable, and keep verb tenses consistent.

× I think I prefer urban areas more than rural areas because I've lived almost my whole life in Seoul, which is the big city, and it has a lot of urban areas which are very beautiful.

✓ I think I prefer urban areas to rural areas because I've lived almost my whole life in Seoul, which is a big city, and it has many attractive urban areas.

Using 'prefer X more than Y' is acceptable but 'prefer X to Y' is more concise; 'the big city' is incorrect article usage for general description, use 'a big city'. 'A lot of urban areas which are very beautiful' is wordy; use 'many attractive urban areas'. Suggestion: use 'prefer X to Y', choose correct article, and use more natural adjective placement.

× So I'm kind of used to it.

✓ So I'm kind of used to it.

This sentence is grammatically correct as is; it uses the present perfect passive 'used to' to indicate familiarity. No change needed.

× And also I feel like it's more beautiful than rural areas.

✓ And I also feel that it is more beautiful than rural areas.

Use of 'it's' is acceptable but slightly informal; 'that it is' is more formal. No major grammar error, but reordering 'also' after 'I' improves flow. This is a stylistic suggestion rather than a strict grammatical correction.

× I really want to say I really like and prefer views of my own country, but to be honest I like other countries views more because it's kinda exotic and those views are the things that I've never seen before so it's more fresh and impressed.

✓ I really want to say I like and prefer views of my own country, but to be honest I prefer views of other countries because they are kind of exotic and I have never seen them before, so they seem fresher and more impressive.

Problems include redundant 'really' and awkward phrasing. 'Other countries views' needs a possessive or 'views of other countries'. 'It's kinda exotic' incorrectly uses 'it' for plural 'views'; use 'they are' and avoid informal 'kinda'. 'Those views are the things that I've never seen before' is wordy; use 'I have never seen them before'. 'More fresh and impressed' should be 'fresher and more impressive' — 'impressed' is a verb/adjective for a person, not appropriate here. Suggestion: remove redundancy, match plurality, use comparative adjectives correctly, and prefer more formal vocabulary.