Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: Giảm lặp từ và sử dụng câu chủ đề rõ ràng; nối các ý bằng từ liên kết; sửa ngữ pháp và phát âm của một vài từ. Cụ thể: (1) Bắt đầu bằng một câu chủ đề ngắn gọn (ví dụ “Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views.”). (2) Tránh ngắt quãng bằng “umm” và loại bỏ từ thừa như “just” hoặc lặp từ. (3) Thêm chi tiết cụ thể về lý do và hoàn cảnh chụp (khi nào, nơi chụp, loại cảnh yêu thích) với liên từ như “because” hoặc “so”. (4) Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp: “taking photo” → “taking photos”; “in the Facebook” → “on Facebook”.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views because I love capturing natural light and interesting compositions. For example, when I visit a park or a waterfront, I try to photograph the sunrise or reflections on water to keep memories and share them on social media. This helps me practise photography and connect with friends who like my pictures.

提案: Cải thiện: Làm câu trả lời mạch lạc hơn, sửa từ vựng sai và dùng cụm từ chính xác; giảm lặp và loại bỏ tiếng ngập ngừng. Cụ thể: (1) Dùng một câu chủ đề rõ ràng: “I prefer rural areas.” (2) Thay từ sai “screenery” bằng “scenery”, “more windy and open split” bằng “more open and breezy spaces”. (3) Dùng liên từ (“because”, “so”) để liên kết lý do và kết quả. (4) Thêm một ví dụ cụ thể (ví dụ: đi bộ trong cánh đồng, nghe tiếng chim) để tăng chi tiết.

例: I prefer rural areas because the scenery is more peaceful and open, so I can relax easily. For example, I enjoy walking through fields where the breeze and birdsong make me feel calm, and there are fewer people which makes it ideal for taking unobstructed photos.

提案: Cải thiện: Sắp xếp ý theo cấu trúc rõ ràng, sửa ngữ pháp và cung cấp thông tin cụ thể. Cụ thể: (1) Trả lời trực tiếp: “I prefer views in my own country.” (2) Giải thích lý do rõ ràng và ngắn gọn: vì sự gần gũi, yên tĩnh, địa điểm lịch sử… (3) Tránh câu lủng củng; dùng danh từ và tính từ đúng (ví dụ “a historic hall” thay vì “the view in the hall is very nice is have a historical”). (4) Thêm một ví dụ cụ thể về địa điểm trong nước để làm phong phú câu trả lời.

例: I prefer views in my own country because I feel more familiar and comfortable there, and many local sites are peaceful and photogenic. For instance, there is a historic hall in my hometown with beautiful architecture and quiet surroundings, which attracts people who like taking photos of traditional buildings.

× I just I really love taking photo of the different views.

✓ I really love taking photos of different views.

Incorrect noun form and count with verb + -ing: 'taking photo' should be 'taking photos' because 'photo' needs plural when speaking generally; also 'the different views' is better as 'different views' for general preference. Suggestion: use plural with countable nouns after 'taking' when referring to multiple general instances.

× Umm when I see some beautiful views I want to take photos with them.

✓ When I see beautiful views, I want to take photos of them.

Wrong preposition and article use with participle phrase: use 'of' not 'with' after 'take photos' when indicating the subject of the photo. Omit 'some' and the comma to sound natural: 'see beautiful views' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'take photos of' to indicate what is being photographed.

× Also I can upload pictures in the Facebook.

✓ Also, I can upload pictures to Facebook.

Incorrect preposition: use 'to' when indicating uploading to a website; also omit 'the' before Facebook. Suggestion: 'upload pictures to Facebook' is the correct collocation.

× This is very nice.

✓ That is very nice.

Context/reference error: 'This' can work but 'That' refers back to the whole idea of uploading pictures, which is more natural. Suggestion: choose demonstrative that matches distance of reference; for previous action use 'that'.

× I I prefer rural areas because they are peaceful and the screen screenery UMM is more attractive and there's more windy and open split and fewer people so I can relax and enjoy nature.

✓ I prefer rural areas because they are peaceful and the scenery is more attractive; there is more wind and open space and fewer people, so I can relax and enjoy nature.

Multiple problems: repeated word 'I', spelling error 'screenery' should be 'scenery' (noun), incorrect use of 'there's more windy' — 'there is' with adjective is wrong; use 'there is more wind' or 'it is windier'. 'open split' is incorrect phrase; use 'open space'. Sentence needed punctuation and parallel structure. Suggestion: remove repetitions, correct spelling, use 'there is more wind' or comparative 'it is windier', and 'open space' for clarity.

× Oh, and I my views in my country because this is very peaceful as I can take many photos and there's for example, the view in the hall and very nice is have a historical and is very have more and more attract people to come there to take photos.

✓ Oh, I prefer the views in my country because it is very peaceful and I can take many photos. For example, the view in the old town is very beautiful and historical, and it attracts more and more people to come there to take photos.

Pronoun and article errors and ungrammatical clauses: 'I my views' is nonsensical; 'this' should refer to 'my country' as 'it'. 'There's for example,' is incorrect structure; use a separate sentence. 'the view in the hall' unclear—likely 'view in the old town' or similar; 'is have a historical' is wrong—use 'is historical' or 'has historical significance'. 'is very have more and more attract people' mixes forms; use 'it attracts more and more people'. Suggestion: use clear subject pronouns, proper articles, and correct verb forms and word order.