Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use correct tense and clearer linking. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Reduce repetition and fix grammar (use present tense and articles).

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different views because they help me remember places I visit. For example, I often photograph landscapes and cityscapes so that when I look back I can recall the atmosphere and special moments from each trip.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and one or two specific reasons with smoother linking words. Avoid filler sounds (um, uh) and use plural/singular forms correctly.

例: I prefer rural views because they offer fresh air and wide green spaces. For instance, I like watching fields and hills where I can relax, whereas urban areas tend to be noisier and more polluted.

提案: Give a direct answer and one clear reason with a specific example. Correct grammar (singular/plural, articles), remove fillers, and organize points with linking words like 'for example' or 'because'.

例: I prefer views in my own country because it has distinct seasons and varied landscapes. For example, we have snowy mountains in winter and sandy beaches in summer, so each region looks different at different times of the year.

× Yes, I like taking pictures of different views because it helped me to keep a memory of the place I visited and in future if I see those pictures I can remember the best of my memories I spent there.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures of different views because they help me keep memories of the places I visit, and in the future, if I see those pictures I can remember the best moments I spent there.

Mixed tenses: the student used past tense 'helped' with a general present habit 'I like taking pictures' and 'if I see those pictures' which is present/future. Use present tense 'help' for habitual action and plural forms 'they' and 'places'. Also use 'memories' (plural) and 'moments' for natural phrasing. Suggestions: keep consistent present tense for habits, match subject and verb number, and use plural nouns where appropriate.

× I usually prefer views of a rural area, umm rural area because rural area provide the environment with fresh air and greenery whereas in urban areas, due to high tech cities and uh modernization, it is uh little polluted as compared to rural areas.

✓ I usually prefer views of rural areas because rural areas provide an environment with fresh air and greenery, whereas urban areas, due to high-tech cities and modernization, are a little more polluted compared to rural areas.

Singular/plural mismatch: the student repeatedly used singular 'rural area' but referred to the general category, so plural 'rural areas' is appropriate. Subject-verb agreement: 'rural areas provide' (plural subject needs plural verb). Also 'is a little polluted' should be 'are a little more polluted' to agree with plural 'urban areas' and to compare properly. Suggestions: use plural when speaking generally about categories and ensure verbs agree with subjects; use comparative phrase 'more polluted' for comparison.

× I definitely like the views in my own country because uh, in my countries we have Four Seasons and we have uh, different landscapes, uh, from uh, mountains to sea level and uh, uh, due to different seasons, every season uh, in every area shows its def different.

✓ I definitely like the views in my own country because we have four distinct seasons and different landscapes, from mountains to sea level, and because of the seasons, each area shows different scenery.

Pronoun and noun misuse: 'my countries' is incorrect when referring to one country; use 'my country'. Capitalization: 'Four Seasons' should be 'four seasons' unless referring to the hotel. Redundant and unclear phrasing 'shows its def different' is incorrect; 'each area shows different scenery' is clearer. Suggestions: use the correct possessive noun 'my country', avoid unnecessary fillers, use clear adjectives like 'distinct', and ensure final clause is grammatical and concise.