Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện tính tự nhiên và mạch văn: trả lời nên ngắn gọn rõ ràng, tránh lặp từ và ngữ pháp sai. Cụ thể: (1) Mở đầu bằng câu chủ đề trực tiếp và ngắn; (2) Tránh dùng cụm từ thừa như “like the social media” hay “pass them on”; (3) Chú ý thì và cấu trúc (ví dụ “I want my pictures to be more colorful”); (4) Dùng một hoặc hai chi tiết cụ thể (ví dụ: loại khung cảnh, mục đích đăng ảnh).

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy taking photos in cafés and of outdoor scenery because they look great on my Instagram. I try to make my pictures more colorful by choosing bright backgrounds and good lighting so I stand out in the photo.

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp, liên kết và độ chính xác: (1) Bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề mạnh mẽ; (2) Sửa lỗi thì và chia động từ (ví dụ “My surroundings are” hoặc “There are lots of plants”); (3) Dùng từ nối hợp lý để liên kết ý (e.g., “because”, “which makes me”); (4) Giảm từ thừa như “you know” hoặc “like”.

例: I prefer rural areas because they are more tranquil and peaceful. There are lots of plants and trees, and the greenery makes me feel calm and relaxed, which is why I enjoy spending time there.

提案: Cải thiện trật tự từ, ngữ pháp và mạch ý: (1) Dùng câu chủ đề rõ ràng; (2) Sắp xếp ý theo mạch logic (thành phố rồi nông thôn hoặc ngược lại); (3) Sửa lỗi danh từ và tính từ ghép (ví dụ “beautiful rural scenery”); (4) Thêm liên từ để nối hai phần đối chiếu (e.g., “both... and...” hoặc “not only... but also...”); (5) Cung cấp một ví dụ cụ thể nếu cần.

例: I prefer the views in my own country because it offers both impressive postmodern cities and beautiful rural scenery. Not only can I enjoy interesting architecture in bustling urban streets, but I can also relax in peaceful countryside areas.

× Yes, I always find many backgrounds like in the coffee shop or the scenery to pass them on Facebook or Instagram like the social media.

✓ Yes, I always find many backgrounds, like coffee shops or scenic spots, to post on Facebook or Instagram, which are social media.

Sentence uses 'the coffee shop' and 'the scenery' incorrectly and 'pass them on' is wrong verb choice; pronoun reference 'them' is unclear. Use plural nouns without 'the' for general meaning (coffee shops, scenic spots), and use 'post' for uploading images. 'Which are social media' clarifies the phrase. Suggestions: use plural nouns for general statements, choose correct verb (post), and make pronoun references clear.

× So I want my pictures become more colorful and myself in the picture also brilliant.

✓ So I want my pictures to become more colorful, and for myself in the pictures to also look brilliant.

Missing 'to' before 'become' and incorrect structure for referring to appearance of the subject in the picture. Use the infinitive 'to become' and 'for myself... to look' or 'and I also look brilliant.' Suggestions: include necessary infinitive markers and use appropriate verbs for appearance (look, appear).

× I find it more tranquil and peaceful.

✓ I find them more tranquil and peaceful.

The pronoun 'it' does not agree with the plural noun implied (rural areas). Use 'them' to refer to plural 'rural areas' or rephrase 'I find rural areas more tranquil and peaceful.' Suggestions: Ensure pronoun number matches the noun it replaces.

× My surroundings is tons of plants, trees and the greenery so I love them more.

✓ My surroundings are full of plants, trees, and greenery, so I prefer them.

'Surroundings' is plural, so the verb should be 'are' not 'is.' 'Tons of' is informal and not ideal here; use 'full of' or 'filled with.' Also 'the greenery' should be 'greenery' without 'the.' Suggestions: match verb number to subject and use natural collocations ('full of plants').

× It's make me calm down and relaxing.

✓ It makes me calm and relaxed.

Incorrect verb form 'make' should be 'makes' for third-person singular 'it.' Also 'calm down and relaxing' mixes forms; use parallel adjectives 'calm and relaxed.' Suggestions: ensure subject-verb agreement and parallel structure for adjectives.

× Well, I prefer the views in my country because it offers postmodern cities, craft and the beauty rural scenery.

✓ Well, I prefer the views in my country because it offers postmodern cities, crafts, and beautiful rural scenery.

Pronoun 'it' refers to 'my country' which is acceptable, but word choice and word order are incorrect: 'craft' should be plural 'crafts' or 'handicrafts,' and 'the beauty rural scenery' is ungrammatical; use adjective 'beautiful' before 'rural scenery.' Suggestions: use correct noun forms and adjective order.

× The diversity lets me enjoy impressive architecture and designs and in the bustling urban streets but also peaceful countryside when I can relax.

✓ The diversity lets me enjoy impressive architecture and designs in the bustling urban streets, but also the peaceful countryside where I can relax.

Sentence has awkward coordination and preposition placement. Move 'in the bustling urban streets' next to 'architecture,' add 'the' before 'peaceful countryside,' and change 'when I can relax' to 'where I can relax' to refer to the countryside. Suggestions: place phrases next to the nouns they modify and use appropriate relative words ('where' for places).