Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Keep your answer concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm, uh), fix tense and grammar, and give one or two specific reasons or an example. Use linking words to connect ideas (however, now, because).

例: I didn't use to take many photos in the past because I didn't have a good camera. However, now that I carry a smartphone, I enjoy photographing landscapes and everyday moments because it's convenient and helps me capture memories.

提案: Answer directly with correct pronouns and clearer vocabulary. Provide one specific reason and a brief example. Replace vague phrases (his nature, the sight of the chirping) with precise descriptions and use a linking word (for example, especially).

例: I prefer rural views because of their peaceful natural scenery. For example, in spring I love walking among blooming flowers and listening to birds singing, which feels very relaxing.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and support it with a specific, concise reason. Avoid repetition and fillers, correct articles and pronunciation (e.g., 'a mountain' and 'snow-capped peaks'). Use a linking word to contrast (while, whereas).

例: I prefer views in my country because it has many mountains. For instance, I often visit the snow-capped peaks near my town, which I find more impressive than the landscapes I've seen abroad.

× Normally I'm not fond of taking pictures in the past, but because I did not have the devices in the during those days, but now with the smartphone in hand, I have started umm, liking uh.

✓ I was not fond of taking pictures in the past because I did not have devices in those days, but now with a smartphone in hand I have started to like it.

The sentence mixes past and present awkwardly and has extra words like 'the' and 'during' that are unnecessary. Use past tense 'was' to refer to a past state and 'did not have' is correct; remove the redundant 'the' before 'devices' and 'during'. Use the infinitive 'to like' rather than 'liking' after 'started', and add an object ('it') for clarity. Improve fluency by removing filler 'umm, uh'.

× Frankly, I enjoy the scenes in the rural areas because of his nature and his beauty.

✓ Frankly, I enjoy scenes in rural areas because of their natural beauty.

The speaker used the possessive pronoun 'his' to refer to 'rural areas', which is incorrect because 'areas' is plural and inanimate. Use the plural possessive pronoun 'their' and use the adjective 'natural' with 'beauty' for a natural collocation. Also remove the definite article 'the' before 'rural areas' unless referring to specific areas.

× Particularly, I like the spring season where the flowers start blooming and the sight of the chirping.

✓ Particularly, I like spring when the flowers start blooming and the birds start chirping.

'Where' is incorrectly used for time; use 'when' for seasons. 'The sight of the chirping' is awkward and ungrammatical; use 'the birds start chirping' to express the sound. Also 'spring season' can be shortened to 'spring' for natural phrasing.

× I like the view, uh, views in my country because in other countries, uh, I do not see much of A mountain, whereas umm, I see lots of mountains, particularly the Snow Peak mountains which I really enjoy the most.

✓ I like views in my country because in other countries I do not see many mountains, whereas I see lots of mountains at home, particularly the Snow Peak Mountains, which I enjoy the most.

There are multiple article and quantifier errors: 'A mountain' is incorrectly capitalized and used after 'much of' (use 'many' for countable 'mountains'). Remove filler words 'uh' and 'umm'. Use 'views' consistently and 'the Snow Peak Mountains' as a proper name with correct capitalization and plural form. 'Enjoy the most' is redundant with 'particularly'; the corrected phrasing is more natural.