Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting reasons with brief examples. Avoid long lists of synonyms (e.g., “vast stillness, nothingness, monotony”) which sound repetitive. Use linking words (for example, however) to make the structure clearer and limit your answer to 3–4 sentences.

例: I like taking pictures when the scene is interesting. For example, I often photograph parks or striking cars like Lamborghinis because their colors and shapes catch my eye. However, I usually avoid photographing very plain, uniform scenes because they don’t look appealing in photos.

提案: Respond directly with a clear preference sentence, then give one specific reason and a brief example. Avoid awkward phrasing (e.g., “proper floor”) and unnecessary hedging (“for some reason”). Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' naturally and keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer urban views because they offer variety. For instance, cityscapes have different buildings, street art and cafes that create interesting contrasts in photos, whereas endless fields often look similar and less dynamic.

提案: Clarify the meaning and tone: avoid controversial or negative generalizations about your country (“so much of suffering”) without context. State a clear conditional preference, explain briefly, and give a balanced example. Keep it neutral and precise, using 2–3 sentences.

例: It depends on the subject I want to capture. If I want to document social issues or everyday life, I might photograph scenes in my own country because they feel authentic to me. For architectural or scenic images, I prefer photographing in other countries where the built environment is more visually distinct.

× That entirely depends on the view itself.

✓ That entirely depends on the view itself.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct and uses present simple appropriately to state a general condition.

× For example, if I am looking across a beautiful park or maybe a beautiful car like Lamborghini or Porsche, I would love to take a picture of that.

✓ For example, if I am looking at a beautiful park or maybe a beautiful car like a Lamborghini or a Porsche, I would love to take a picture of it.

Use 'looking at' not 'looking across' when observing a single object; add articles 'a' before brand names used generically; use 'it' to refer back to a singular noun rather than 'that'. Suggestion: say 'looking at' for direct observation and include the indefinite article with singular countable nouns.

× But if my view is of vast stillness, nothingness, monotony, then no, I would not take a picture of that.

✓ But if my view is one of vast stillness, nothingness, or monotony, then no, I would not take a picture of it.

Use 'one of' to describe a view characterized by qualities; use commas and 'or' to join items in a list; use 'it' to refer back to 'view'. Suggestion: use 'one of' for attributive descriptions and 'it' for a singular noun reference.

× For some reason, and I could be biased, but the view of fields upon fields of same kind of proper floor looks monotonous to me.

✓ For some reason, and I could be biased, the view of fields upon fields of the same kind of crop looks monotonous to me.

Original has awkward phrase 'proper floor' and misses the article 'the' before 'same kind'; use a more appropriate noun like 'crop' or 'field' and include 'the' for specificity. Suggestion: use 'the same kind of' + noun and choose a suitable noun to describe agricultural land.

× So I prefer to take picture of urban areas instead, because at least there could be some difference in some building that would make the picture worthwhile.

✓ So I prefer to take pictures of urban areas instead, because at least there can be some variety in buildings that would make the pictures worthwhile.

Use plural 'pictures' with 'take' when referring generally; 'could be some difference in some building' is awkward—use 'variety in buildings' and plural 'pictures' to match general meaning. Suggestion: use plural nouns for general habits and choose clearer noun phrases like 'variety in buildings'.

× That depends.

✓ That depends.

No correction needed; appropriate short answer using present simple to indicate conditionality.

× If I am trying to picture tragedy, then I will take pictures of my own country because there is so much of suffering that you can look upon in the streets on the faces of a people traveling.

✓ If I am trying to capture tragedy, then I will take pictures in my own country because there is so much suffering visible in the streets and on the faces of people there.

Use 'capture' rather than 'picture' when referring to photographing an abstract concept; 'there is so much of suffering' is incorrect—use 'so much suffering'; 'you can look upon' is awkward—use 'visible'; 'on the faces of a people traveling' is unclear—use 'on the faces of people there' or 'on the faces of people traveling'. Suggestion: prefer 'capture' and simplify phrases to make the meaning clear.

× But if I want to have pretty views of structured buildings and roads, I will preferably take pictures in another country.

✓ But if I want pretty views of orderly buildings and roads, I would preferably take pictures in another country.

Use 'would' to express preference in a hypothetical situation; 'preferably' collocates with 'would' here. 'Structured buildings' is unnatural—use 'orderly' or 'well-designed'. Suggestion: use 'would' for hypothetical preferences and choose natural adjective collocations.