Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and sentence structure to sound more natural; be concise and avoid redundancy. Give a clear topic sentence, one or two specific supporting details, and use linking words. Correct verb forms and word choice (e.g., “take photos,” “mountains,” “different weather conditions,” “seasonal colors”).

例: Yes, I enjoy taking photos of different landscapes. For example, I visit Southern Park and nearby mountains throughout the year to capture seasonal changes — from fresh green in spring to golden autumn leaves and snowy white in winter.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and correct grammar (e.g., “I prefer rural areas”). Use linking words to add two specific reasons and keep sentences short. Correct verb forms and articles (e.g., “the countryside,” “I enjoy”).

例: I prefer views in rural areas because I grew up in the countryside. For instance, I enjoy walking in fields with my dog and fishing in the river, which feel peaceful compared with busy cities.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and concise supporting reasons with correct grammar and linking words. Avoid repetition (“familiar” used twice) and correct adjectives and sentence structures (e.g., “it is more familiar to me” and “I feel stressed in unfamiliar environments”).

例: I prefer views in my own country because they are more familiar to me. Also, I often feel anxious in unfamiliar places, so staying at home reduces stress and helps me enjoy the scenery more.

× Yeah, I always travel to Southern Park all day or mountain in different weather every year.

✓ Yes, I always travel to Southern Park or to the mountains in different weather every year.

The original sentence has awkward structure and missing articles/prepositions. Use 'Yes' for formality. 'Southern Park or to the mountains' is parallel; include 'to' before 'mountains'. 'All day' is unnecessary and unclear here, so remove it to match meaning. Improve word order for clarity.

× Every time I'll take the DI photo of different color of the view from green to yellow and to white.

✓ Every time I take photos of the view in different colors, from green to yellow and white.

Problems: incorrect use of future 'I'll' (unnecessary) and 'the DI photo' unclear; use plural 'photos'. Also article usage: 'the view in different colors' is clearer. Remove 'to' before 'white' and adjust word order. Use present simple for habitual action.

× Yeah, sure. I prefer the view in in rural areas because I grew up in countryside and I enjoying to play in the field with my dog and I can catch fish in the river.

✓ Yes, I prefer views in rural areas because I grew up in the countryside, and I enjoyed playing in the fields with my dog, and I could catch fish in the river.

Multiple preposition and article errors: use 'in rural areas' (remove duplicate 'in'), 'the countryside' requires 'the'. Verb forms: use past tense 'grew up' and 'enjoyed playing' for past habitual actions; 'enjoying to play' is incorrect—use 'enjoyed playing'. Also pluralize 'fields' and adjust modality: 'could catch fish' indicates past ability.

× Sure, I prefer the view in my country, of course, because it more familiar, familiar to me and I always afraid of stress, unfamiliar environment, I will feel very nervous.

✓ Sure, I prefer views in my country, of course, because it is more familiar to me, and I always feel nervous in stressful or unfamiliar environments.

Errors: article and number—use plural 'views' to match general meaning. Missing verb 'is' before 'more familiar'. Repetition 'familiar' removed. 'I always afraid of stress' is missing 'am' and needs rephrasing: 'I always feel nervous in stressful or unfamiliar environments.' Use present simple for general feelings.