Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitation words and make a clearer topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep answers within 3–4 concise sentences. For example, start with a direct statement ("Yes, I enjoy..."), explain why with a specific reason ("because they help me remember places I visited"), and give one brief example.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views because they help me record memories. For instance, when I visited the coast last year, I took photos of the sunrise so I could remember the colors and atmosphere. I often look back at those photos to relive the experience.

提案: Open with a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then give a specific reason and a brief example using linking words (e.g., "because", "so", "for example"). Avoid repetition and fix grammatical issues ("urban places" -> "urban areas").

例: I prefer rural views to urban ones because I live in a city and miss green spaces. For example, weekends in the countryside let me relax among trees and fields, which helps me unwind.

提案: Make the answer more specific and less negative. Start with a direct statement, give a clear reason with a linking word, and include a brief example or contrast. Avoid vague phrases like "not that inspiring"; instead explain what you find different or exciting abroad.

例: I prefer views in other countries because traveling exposes me to different landscapes and cultures. For example, I enjoyed mountain scenery in Switzerland which contrasted with the familiar cityscapes at home, making the foreign views more exciting.

× I like taking pictures of different views because, umm, I think to take a picture of something is kind of like recording something.

✓ I like taking pictures of different views because, umm, I think taking a picture of something is kind of like recording it.

The original uses the infinitive phrase 'to take a picture' after 'think', which is less natural here. Use the gerund 'taking' to match the earlier 'I like taking' and to express the general activity. Also replace the second 'something' with the pronoun 'it' to avoid repetition and keep the sentence concise. Suggestion: use consistent gerund forms when describing activities (I think taking...).

× So I love umm, watching the photos that I've taken and remember umm, the real views.

✓ So I love, umm, watching the photos that I've taken and remembering the real views.

The sentence mixes present simple 'love' with a bare infinitive 'remember'. When listing parallel activities after 'love', use parallel verb forms: 'watching' and 'remembering' (both gerunds). This maintains grammatical parallelism. Also removing extra commas improves flow.

× And I actually prefer rural views more than urban views because I think I currently live in urban views an urban places.

✓ And I actually prefer rural views more than urban ones because I think I currently live in urban places.

The original has redundant and incorrect phrasing 'urban views an urban places'. Use 'urban ones' to avoid repetition and correct noun form. Also 'places' already implies plural, so drop the extra word. Ensure articles are used appropriately: no article is needed before 'urban places' in this context.

× So I think umm I need. Some more green places.

✓ So I think, umm, I need some more green spaces.

The original splits the sentence incorrectly with a period and uses 'green places', which is understandable but less natural. Combine into one sentence and use the noun 'spaces' (or 'areas') which collocates better with 'green'. Avoid unnecessary sentence fragments.

× I prefer views in other countries because I love to travel and experience new things and umm, the view of my own country.

✓ I prefer views in other countries because I love to travel and experience new things, and, umm, the views of my own country

The sentence is incomplete and uneven. Keep parallelism: 'I love to travel and experience new things, and, umm, the views of my own country are not as inspiring.' Also the original ended abruptly; the correction continues to make a complete clause. Use plural 'views' to match earlier plural references.

× I think it's umm, not that, uh, inspiring for me.

✓ I think it's, umm, not that, uh, inspiring to me.

Use the prepositional phrase 'to me' (or 'for me') consistently; both are possible but 'to me' is more natural after 'inspiring'. The commas were adjusted for clarity. The present tense 'think' is appropriate; only the preposition needed correction.