Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your response clearer and more natural: start with a direct topic sentence, correct grammar, avoid unclear phrases (e.g. “pics of yours”), and limit to up to five sentences. Add one or two specific supporting details and use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of different views. I especially take photos when I travel or commute to work to preserve memories. For example, I photograph sunrise scenes and interesting street corners and later put the best shots into a travel photo book. This hobby helps me remember places and moments more vividly.

提案: Be concise and correct grammar: give a clear topic sentence stating preference, then add one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid repetition and awkward phrasing.

例: I prefer views in rural areas because they offer varied natural scenes like fields, forests and mountains. Moreover, being surrounded by nature helps me relax and feel more connected to the environment, whereas urban views often focus on tall buildings and traffic.

提案: Answer directly and clearly: start by stating your situation, then give specific examples and a short reason. Use linking words to make the response coherent and avoid trailing off at the end.

例: I prefer views in my own country because I haven’t had the chance to travel abroad yet. For instance, I often visit the northern regions where there are beautiful mountains and coastal areas. I particularly enjoy the ocean views and peaceful mountain landscapes, which are more meaningful to me because of familiar memories.

× Of course, I like taking pics of yours, especially whenever I am on to work, I like to preserve those moments or memories for future.

✓ Of course, I like taking pictures of my own, especially whenever I am on my way to work; I like to preserve those moments or memories for the future.

The pronoun 'yours' is incorrect because it refers to the listener; 'my own' or 'my' correctly refers to the speaker's pictures. 'On to work' is ungrammatical; use 'on my way to work'. Also add the article 'the' before 'future' to specify 'the future'. Use 'pictures' instead of 'pics' for formality.

× So I always make books of places that I travel to make it a memory book.

✓ So I always make books of the places I travel to, making them memory books.

The original repeats 'make' and has awkward structure. Reduce redundancy by using a participle clause 'making them memory books' and include the definite article 'the' before 'places'. This improves clarity and flow.

× I prefer use in rural rural areas because it provide it gives us more scenario views as compared to urban areas which is all about tall buildings and modernization.

✓ I prefer rural areas because they give us more scenic views compared with urban areas, which are all about tall buildings and modernization.

Remove the duplicated word 'rural'. 'I prefer use in' is incorrect; say 'I prefer rural areas'. Use plural pronoun 'they' to agree with 'areas'. 'Provide it gives' is redundant; choose one verb 'give'. 'Scenario views' is incorrect collocation; use 'scenic views'. 'Compared to' can be 'compared with' or 'compared to'; here 'compared with' is fine.

× So being in nature helps you to relax and feel peaceful and more connected with environment.

✓ So being in nature helps you relax, feel peaceful, and feel more connected with the environment.

Add the definite article 'the' before 'environment'. Remove unnecessary 'to' after 'helps you' (use base verb). Improve parallel structure by adding 'feel' before 'more connected' for consistency.

× I haven't traveled to other countries so I always travel to northern areas in my own country.

✓ I haven't traveled to other countries, so I usually travel to the northern areas of my own country.

Add a comma before 'so'. 'Always travel' conflicts with 'haven't traveled'—use 'usually' to indicate habitual action. Add 'the' before 'northern areas' and 'of' to show possession: 'northern areas of my own country'.

× I love oceans and mountains surrounded by nature.

✓ I love oceans and mountains that are surrounded by nature.

Add relative clause 'that are' to clearly connect 'surrounded by nature' to 'oceans and mountains'. This corrects the fragmented modifier.

× I love the scenery of northern areas so I can't compare them or give.

✓ I love the scenery of the northern areas, so I can't compare them or give an opinion.

Add 'the' before 'northern areas'. The phrase 'give' is incomplete; specify 'give an opinion' or 'compare them' to complete the thought. Add a comma before 'so' for clarity.