Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then give one or two specific supporting details. Remove redundant phrases like “but” after “although” and awkward wording such as “pictures of or views of.” Use linking words (for example, “because” or “so”) to connect the reason.

例: Yes, I do enjoy taking pictures of different views because they help me remember special moments. For example, when I visit a scenic spot I usually take a few wide-angle shots and close-ups so I can look back and recall the atmosphere later.

提案: Answer directly and clearly naming one preference, then give specific reasons with coherent linking. Avoid vague or unclear place names and repetitive phrases. Keep it to one topic sentence plus one supporting sentence with a linking word like “because” or “for example.”

例: I prefer urban views because I enjoy city skylines and architectural details. For example, at night the city lights and skyscrapers create dramatic views that I like to photograph and walk around to explore.

提案: Be grammatically accurate and specific. Begin with a clear statement of preference, then give one or two concrete examples with brief explanations. Avoid unnecessary words like “respectively” and correct place names (e.g., San Francisco).

例: I prefer views in other countries because they offer landmarks and landscapes I can't see at home. For instance, the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco has a unique color and scale, and Niagara Falls in Canada presents a spectacular natural scene that's unforgettable.

× Although I do not have the talent to be a great photographer, but I do love taking different pictures of or views of a certain spot as it serves a memory or a souvenir for me in the future.

✓ Although I do not have the talent to be a great photographer, I do love taking different pictures or views of a certain spot because they serve as memories or souvenirs for me in the future.

The sentence incorrectly uses both 'Although' and 'but' together; use one subordinating conjunction. 'of or views' is wrong word order; use 'pictures or views'. 'it serves a memory or a souvenir' has singular/plural and pronoun issues: 'they serve as memories or souvenirs' matches plural 'pictures or views'. Also use 'because' to link purpose more clearly. Improve by removing the redundant conjunction, correcting noun plurality, and ensuring pronoun agreement.

× Well, to be honest, I prefer views in urban areas such as McCarthy and even in the city of Turkey as it showcases its buildings with beautiful skylines, especially at night.

✓ Well, to be honest, I prefer views in urban areas such as McCarthy and even in cities in Turkey, as they showcase their buildings with beautiful skylines, especially at night.

'in the city of Turkey' is incorrect because Turkey is a country; use 'cities in Turkey' or a specific city. 'it showcases its buildings' is unclear and has pronoun-agreement issues; use 'they showcase their buildings' to refer to 'cities' or 'urban areas'. Improve by using correct preposition and number (cities) and matching plural pronouns.

× And I'm a big fan of UMM city lights and I do love it.

✓ And I'm a big fan of UMM city lights and I do love them.

The noun 'city lights' is plural, so the pronoun should be 'them' not 'it'. Use plural pronoun to ensure subject-pronoun agreement.

× Frankly, as a person who traveled both locally and internationally, I'd be leaning towards more on views in foreign countries such as the Golden Gate Bridge, the San Francis in San Francisco, Niagara Falls in Canada, respectively.

✓ Frankly, as a person who has traveled both locally and internationally, I'd lean more toward views in foreign countries such as the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and Niagara Falls in Canada.

Use present perfect 'has traveled' to describe past experience relevant to now. 'I'd be leaning towards more on' is awkward; use 'I'd lean more toward' for preference. 'the Golden Gate Bridge, the San Francis in San Francisco' is wrong: 'San Francis' is incorrect; place 'in San Francisco' after the bridge. Remove unnecessary 'respectively'. Also correct preposition use ('in San Francisco') and streamline word order.