Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh, like), correct word choice (e.g., "part of my day" not "drawing"), and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel by bus or car. For example, I enjoy watching changing landscapes because they help me relax and notice local life. Also, sometimes I spot interesting buildings or fields that inspire my photos.

提案: Improve grammar and tense consistency, remove fillers, and give a specific example or reason. Use a linking word to connect ideas (e.g., "because" or "so"). Keep answers direct and clear.

例: Yes, I often take photos of scenery from the car window because beautiful moments are fleeting. For instance, last month I photographed a golden sunset over rice fields, and that picture reminds me of the trip.

提案: Begin with a clear preference sentence, correct vocabulary and numbers, and add one precise reason or memory using a linking word (e.g., "because" or "for example"). Avoid repetition and keep it concise.

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy hiking and the views from high peaks. For example, two years ago I climbed Wagon Mountain, which is about 2,000 metres high, and the panorama from the summit was truly breathtaking.

× I think it's kind of, uh, an important part of my drawing and it's a great chance to look at through the window and I think the scenery is quite amazing and like so.

✓ I think it's kind of, uh, an important part of my day, and it's a great chance to look through the window; I think the scenery is quite amazing.

The sentence uses incorrect prepositions and some wrong word choice. 'Part of my drawing' is incorrect contextually; 'day' fits the meaning. 'Look at through the window' misorders the preposition; the correct phrase is 'look through the window' or 'look at the scenery through the window'. The sentence was also run-on; split or punctuate for clarity. Suggestion: replace 'drawing' with the intended noun (likely 'day'), use 'look through the window' or 'look at the scenery through the window', and separate ideas with punctuation.

× Yes, I I'd like to do so whenever I met a beautiful scenery through the window, I will quickly take out my phone and, uh, take a beautiful photo with it.

✓ Yes, I would like to do so. Whenever I meet beautiful scenery through the window, I quickly take out my phone and take a photo.

Tense and verb form errors: 'I I'd' is redundant; use 'I would' or 'I'd' but not both. 'Whenever I met' mixes past with a habitual present/future context; use 'meet' for habitual actions. 'A beautiful scenery' uses incorrect article and countability: 'scenery' is uncountable so no 'a'. Also simplify 'take a beautiful photo with it' to 'take a photo'. Suggestion: use consistent present simple for habitual actions, remove redundant contractions, and avoid articles with uncountable 'scenery'.

× Uh, I think it was a good way to keep some important part of your life.

✓ Uh, I think it's a good way to keep some important parts of your life.

Tense inconsistency: the speaker uses past 'was' but is describing a general opinion, so present 'is' is appropriate. 'some important part' should be plural 'some important parts' for natural meaning. Suggestion: use present tense for general statements and pluralize 'part' when referring to multiple memories.

× Well, I like mountains more because I used to visit the wagon mountain two years ago and it's about two 2000 / 2000 meters high and I arrived at the peak of it and I think the scenery on the top is quite amazing.

✓ Well, I prefer mountains because I visited Wagon Mountain two years ago; it's about 2,000 meters high, and I reached its peak. I think the view from the top is quite amazing.

Pronoun and article issues: 'I used to visit' implies a habitual past action, but here a single past visit is intended, so use 'I visited'. 'the wagon mountain' incorrectly uses lowercase and article; proper name 'Wagon Mountain' needs capitals and usually no 'the'. 'I arrived at the peak of it' is awkward; use 'I reached its peak'. 'scenery on the top' is unnatural; use 'view from the top'. Numeric format should be '2,000 meters'. Suggestion: use simple past for completed actions, capitalize proper nouns, use 'reach the peak' and natural collocations like 'view from the top'.