Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Focus on clear, grammatical sentences and correct word choice. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect words (e.g., "gun" -> "gaze/look", "healing" -> "calm/relaxed").

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by car. For example, I enjoy watching the changing countryside because the green fields and trees make me feel calm and relaxed during the journey.

提案: Give a concise, well-structured answer: a clear topic sentence followed by a specific reason and an example. Avoid filler words and unclear references ("Siri" seems incorrect). Use correct verb forms and complete the thought.

例: Sometimes I take photos of the scenery outside the car window. For instance, when I see a beautiful sunset or an interesting landscape, I take a quick picture so I can remember that moment later.

提案: Answer directly and add a specific reason with linking words. Correct word order and plurality ("mountains"), and avoid repetition of "feel." Give one concrete detail that supports your preference.

例: I prefer the mountains because I grew up in a rural area surrounded by hills. As a result, the fresh air and quiet trails help me relax and enjoy peace more than the busy coast.

× 'I love to the gun the window at the scenery when I travel by car because I love the view outside the window.'

✓ 'I love to look out the window at the scenery when I travel by car because I love the view outside.'

'to the gun the window' is nonsensical and word order is wrong; the correct verb phrase is ''look out the window''. Also repeating ''window'' is redundant; remove second ''window'' for concision. Suggestion: use the verb phrase ''look out'' + object and avoid unnecessary repetition.'

× 'It makes me feel healing and relaxed during driving.'

✓ 'It makes me feel healed and relaxed while driving.'

'healing' is an adjective meaning ''curative'' and is not appropriate to describe a person's feeling; use the past participle adjective ''healed'' or simply ''calm''. Also ''during driving'' is unidiomatic; use ''while driving'' or ''when I am driving''.'

× 'Yes umm, sometimes if I feel that Siri is really great and healing, I will take the picture because I'm the one that to uh, taking a picture with everything I want to remember my.'

✓ 'Yes, sometimes if I feel that the scenery is really beautiful and calming, I take a picture because I like to remember things I want to keep.'

'Siri' appears incorrectly used instead of ''scenery''; phrase ''I'm the one that to uh, taking a picture'' is ungrammatical. Use ''I take a picture'' or ''I will take a picture''. Also ''with everything I want to remember my'' is incomplete and ungrammatical; replace with ''because I like to remember things I want to keep.'' Ensure subject-verb structure is correct and remove filler sounds in formal answers.'

× 'I prefer the mountain because I live in the countryside and I live mountains surrounding by my house.'

✓ 'I prefer the mountains because I live in the countryside and mountains surround my house.'

'the mountain' should be plural ''the mountains'' when speaking generally. ''I live mountains surrounding by my house'' is incorrect word order and missing verb; correct structure is ''mountains surround my house.'' Remove unnecessary ''I live'' repetition.'

× 'The feeling makes me feel calm and relaxed.'

✓ 'The feeling makes me feel calm and relaxed.'

'The sentence is grammatically acceptable, but ''feeling'' and ''feel'' are repetitive; for concision prefer ''It makes me feel calm and relaxed.'' No tense change needed; this suggestion is stylistic rather than mandatory.'