Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your response more concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details and a linking word. Correct small grammar errors (e.g. "awaken" → "awake" or "woken") and avoid repetition such as "while I'm traveling by vehicle" and "when I'm traveling". Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I usually try to look out the window when I travel by bus or car. However, I often feel sleepy on long journeys, so I sometimes nap; when I am awake, I enjoy watching the changing landscape and spotting interesting places.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence and one clear reason with a linking word. Remove repetitive phrases and improve fluency by using connectors like "because" or "so". Use a more natural phrase than "see the scenery through my eyes" (e.g. "enjoy it directly").

例: I sometimes take photos, but not often because I prefer to enjoy the view directly with my eyes. For example, if the view is especially beautiful, I put my phone away so I can focus on the moment.

提案: Provide a clear, complete opinion in a topic sentence and support it with one or two specific reasons. Fix grammar errors and incomplete sentence (your answer ends abruptly). Use linking words such as "because" or "as long as" to connect ideas. Mention a concrete example to illustrate your point.

例: I don't have a strong preference between the mountains and the sea because what matters to me is whether the view is clear and unobstructed. For instance, I enjoy either scene if I'm seated by the window and can see a wide, open landscape without buildings blocking the view.

× Yes, I do try to look outside the window at the scenery where I'm traveling by bus or car, but most of the time I feel sleepy while I'm traveling by vehicle so I tend to sleep.

✓ Yes, I do try to look out of the window at the scenery when I'm traveling by bus or car, but most of the time I feel sleepy while I'm traveling, so I tend to sleep.

Use 'look out of the window' or 'look out the window' and 'when I'm traveling' is more natural than 'where I'm traveling'. Remove the repetitive phrase 'by vehicle' and add a comma before 'so' to join two independent clauses. Suggestion: say 'look out of the window' and keep 'when I'm traveling' for correct time reference.

× But at the times when I am awaken up I look at the scenery.

✓ But at times when I am awake I look at the scenery.

'Awaken up' is incorrect: 'awake' is the correct adjective; 'awaken' is a verb and 'wake up' is a separable verb. Use 'am awake' to describe current state. Suggestion: use 'awake' or 'wake up' appropriately (e.g., 'when I wake up, I look at the scenery').

× I sometimes take photos but it is rare but as I prefer to experience the scenery and see the scenery through my eyes and then do not use my phone while I'm experiencing the view.

✓ I sometimes take photos, but it is rare because I prefer to experience the scenery with my own eyes and not use my phone while enjoying the view.

Multiple conjunctions 'but' and 'as' create a run-on and unclear connection. Use one conjunction 'but' and 'because' to explain reason. Also use parallel structure 'prefer to experience... and not use'. Suggestion: simplify clauses and maintain parallelism.

× It really doesn't matter if the view is of mountains or the sea, as I only care is whether the whether I'm traveling and seeing the view from the right angle or it is blocked by something else.

✓ It really doesn't matter whether the view is of mountains or the sea; what I care about is whether I'm seeing the view from the right angle or if it is blocked by something else.

Pronoun and clause structure errors: remove duplicated 'whether' and use 'what I care about is' to introduce the concern. Use 'whether... or if' for the two alternatives. Suggestion: avoid repeating words and use clear introductory phrase 'what I care about is'.

× For example, if I'm.

✓ For example, if I'm blocked by a building or an obstruction, I cannot see the view.

The fragment 'For example, if I'm.' is incomplete and lacks a main clause. Provide a full clause to explain the example. Suggestion: always complete conditional sentences with both condition and result.