Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and relevant: start with a clear topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unrelated comments (e.g. about writing) and filler words like “uh.” Use a linking word to connect ideas if you add a reason or feeling.

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy watching the changing landscape. For example, I like seeing towns turn into countryside, and it helps me relax during the journey.

提案: Give a concise direct answer then support it with a clear reason and a short example. Avoid repetition and wordy phrasing; use linking words like “because” or “so” to show cause and effect.

例: No, I usually don’t take photos from the car window because I prefer to enjoy the view in the moment. For instance, when I drive through the countryside I focus on the scenery rather than taking pictures.

提案: Answer directly, then provide specific reasons and one brief supporting detail. Use correct grammar and more natural vocabulary (e.g. “enjoyable” instead of “enjoyful”) and link sentences with words like “because” or “so”.

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy riding a motorcycle on winding roads. For example, the fresh air and the curves of the mountain roads make the trip exciting and relaxing at the same time.

× I look at the window, at the scenery when, uh, whenever I'm traveling on a vehicle.

✓ I look out of the window at the scenery whenever I'm travelling in a vehicle.

The original sentence has awkward preposition use and redundant commas. Use 'look out of the window' or simply 'look out the window' and 'in a vehicle' is more natural than 'on a vehicle'. Also remove filler and extra commas to match present habitual tense.

× 'I'm not very good at writing.

✓ 'I'm not very good at taking photos.'

The student's intended meaning is unclear: they say 'I'm not very good at writing' but context asks about looking at scenery while travelling, and later they discuss not taking photos. Correcting to 'taking photos' aligns pronoun and verb use with context. If they meant writing, keep original but it's incongruent with question.

× I can mediate my feelings.

✓ I can express my feelings.

'Mediate' is incorrect in this context; 'express' or 'mediate' with a different structure is needed. Use the base verb 'express' to convey showing feelings. The structure 'can express my feelings' correctly uses modal + base verb.

× I don't take photos of the scenery outside the car window because the reason I'm at the position that I can see the scenery is because I like to look at the scenery, not taking pictures.

✓ I don't take photos of the scenery outside the car window because I'm in a position to see it and I prefer to look at it rather than take pictures.

The original sentence is wordy and contains awkward phrasing ('the reason I'm at the position that I can see the scenery'). Simplify to present simple tense for habitual action: 'I don't take photos... because I'm in a position to see it and I prefer to look at it rather than take pictures.' Use parallel structure 'prefer to look... rather than take...'.

× I prefer the mountains.

✓ I prefer the mountains.

This sentence is correct; it uses the present simple to state a preference.

× Most of the time I go to the mountains is by riding on a motorcycle.

✓ Most of the time I go to the mountains by motorcycle.

The original contains an unnecessary copula 'is' and awkward preposition 'riding on a motorcycle'. Remove 'is' and use 'by motorcycle' or 'on a motorcycle' for natural expression: 'Most of the time I go to the mountains by motorcycle.'

× The winding roads are enjoyful to ride on a motorcycle.

✓ The winding roads are enjoyable to ride on a motorcycle.

'Enjoyful' is not standard English; the correct adjective is 'enjoyable'. Alternatively, use an adverb with a verb: 'riding a motorcycle on the winding roads is enjoyable.' This corrects word choice and improves clarity.