Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct sentence structure. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid short fragments and repetition (e.g., "by the way", "so"). Also correct small grammar errors (use plural/singular consistently) and watch verb forms.

例: Yes, I always look out the window when I travel by bus or car. For example, when my friends and I go on road trips, we often take photos and short videos of interesting places so we can relive the journey later.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence then one specific reason linked with a linking word. Combine short clauses into smooth sentences and correct small errors (use 'on a road trip', 'videos', 'it relaxes me'). Keep within 3–4 sentences maximum.

例: Yes, I often take photos and videos on a road trip because I want to capture the scenery. Also, I usually roll the window down to smell the ocean or the forest, which relaxes me and makes the trip more enjoyable.

提案: Avoid repetitive phrases like 'honestly' and 'to be honest with you'. Begin with a direct topic sentence stating your preference, then give two specific reasons with linking words. Correct grammar (use 'mountains', 'greenery', 'it relaxes me', 'refreshes'). Limit to 2–3 sentences to sound natural.

例: I prefer the mountains because of the lush greenery and cooler air, which relaxes me and feels refreshing. However, I also enjoy the beach for its white sand and clear blue sky, so I like both depending on my mood.

× Yes, absolutely I do. When I go out with my friends.

✓ Yes, absolutely I do when I go out with my friends.

The fragment 'When I go out with my friends.' is a dependent clause and cannot stand alone as a sentence. Combine it with the main clause to form a complete sentence. Suggestion: attach the clause to the previous sentence or add a main clause (e.g., 'When I go out with my friends, I enjoy looking out the window').

× We like to do road trip by the way, and we always have our phone ready to capture all the videos and photos of the surroundings so we can keep the memories on file so whenever we want to see it again, it's there.

✓ We like to do road trips, and we always have our phones ready to capture videos and photos of the surroundings so we can keep the memories on file and see them again whenever we want.

'Road trip' should be plural 'road trips' when speaking generally; 'phone' should be plural 'phones' to match plural subject; 'all the videos and photos' can be simplified to 'videos and photos'; sentence was long and repetitive—combine clauses with appropriate conjunctions and correct plural forms. Suggestion: use plural nouns to agree with plural subjects and break long sentences into clearer parts.

× I like to take photos or video of the outside surroundings when I'm on road trip and I like to roll the windows down so I can smell the ocean or the forest and it can really relax me.

✓ I like to take photos or videos of the outside surroundings when I'm on a road trip, and I like to roll the windows down so I can smell the ocean or the forest because it really relaxes me.

Use the article 'a' with 'road trip' when referring to a single trip: 'on a road trip'. 'Video' should be plural 'videos' to match 'photos' or use 'video' as uncountable. 'It can really relax me' is better as 'it really relaxes me' to match habitual present. Also add a comma before 'and' to join independent clauses. Suggestion: use 'on a road trip' and ensure verb agrees with subject (relaxes).

× I would prefer to go to mountain because of the greeneries and then the cold weather and then the the reach of oxygen around me.

✓ I would prefer to go to the mountains because of the greenery, the cold weather, and the plentiful fresh air around me.

Use plural 'the mountains' for the general place. 'Greeneries' is not standard; use 'greenery' (uncountable). 'The reach of oxygen' is awkward—use 'plentiful fresh air' or 'the abundance of oxygen'. Also remove repeated 'the'. Suggestion: prefer common collocations: 'go to the mountains', 'greenery', 'fresh air'.

× It just relax me and then it refresh my whole soul.

✓ It just relaxes me and refreshes my whole soul.

Subject 'it' requires third person singular verbs: add 's' to 'relax' and 'refresh' → 'relaxes' and 'refreshes'. Also combine into one concise sentence without redundant 'then'. Suggestion: ensure verbs agree with singular subject by adding 's' in present simple.

× But to be honest with you, I really enjoy the view of the beach, the white sand, the blue sky.

✓ But to be honest, I really enjoy the view of the beach: the white sand and the blue sky.

The original is understandable but slightly redundant with 'with you' after 'to be honest' and a trailing list separated by commas. Use 'to be honest' alone and clarify the list with conjunction or punctuation. Suggestion: use a colon or 'and' before the final item and remove unnecessary words.