Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetitious phrases, correct word choice and grammar, and add one or two specific details with linking words. Aim for 2–3 sentences, use words like "scenery" (not "naturality"), and correct prepositions ("on a bus"/"in a car").

例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I find the scenery relaxing. For example, I enjoy watching coastal views and mountain forests, especially during quiet morning commutes when the light is beautiful.

提案: Make the answer more structured and concise: start with a direct statement, then give a brief specific detail and a linking phrase to explain why or how. Avoid repeating "fan" and use correct tense/modal forms ("so I can take" not "could").

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window because I want clear shots. For instance, I roll the window down when it's safe so I can photograph coastal views, a habit I inherited from my mother.

提案: Answer directly, avoid repetition, and give a linked reason and a specific example. Use precise vocabulary ("adventurous" not "venturous") and limit to 2–3 sentences. Mention activities as concise reasons and finish with a clear preference statement.

例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy scuba diving and swimming, which lets me explore underwater life. However, I also like hiking in the mountains for the views, so I enjoy both, but if I had to choose, the sea comes first.

× Yes, I'm a fan of having sightseeing while travelling through a bus or a car.

✓ Yes, I'm a fan of sightseeing while travelling by bus or car.

Use the preposition 'by' to indicate the means of transport; do not use 'having' with 'sightseeing' here. Also use 'bus or car' without articles when speaking generally. Suggestion: say 'sightseeing while travelling by bus or car.'

× Actually, even in commute rides, I enjoy the bus ride when I see other cars except for traffic.

✓ Actually, even on commute rides, I enjoy the bus ride when I see other cars, except when there is traffic.

Use the preposition 'on' with 'commute rides'. Add a comma and rephrase 'except for traffic' to 'except when there is traffic' to clarify the condition and use 'there is' for existence. Suggestion: 'even on commute rides' and 'except when there is traffic.'

× But I do enjoy the sceneries of the ocean of the mountains, just the naturality of it.

✓ But I do enjoy the scenery of the ocean and the mountains, just their natural beauty.

Use uncountable 'scenery' not plural 'sceneries'. Use 'and' to connect two items, not 'of'. 'Naturality' is not natural in English; use 'natural beauty'. Replace 'it' with plural 'their' to agree with 'ocean and mountains.' Suggestion: 'the scenery of the ocean and the mountains' and 'their natural beauty.'

× Oh yes I do. I'm actually a fan of it.

✓ Oh yes, I do. I'm actually a fan of it.

Add a comma after 'Oh yes' for natural spoken punctuation. The sentence is otherwise acceptable; no article change necessary here. Suggestion: 'Oh yes, I do.'

× Usually I let the window down so I could take some photos even more clearly.

✓ Usually I roll the window down so I can take photos more clearly.

Use the verb 'roll (the window) down' or 'open the window' rather than 'let the window down.' Use 'can' for present habitual ability instead of 'could.' 'Even more' is redundant with 'more clearly.' Suggestion: 'I roll the window down so I can take photos more clearly.'

× I actually got it from my mom. She's a fan of sightseeing while driving a car.

✓ I actually got it from my mom. She's a fan of sightseeing while driving.

Omit 'a car' after 'driving' because 'driving' already implies a vehicle; 'driving a car' is not wrong but 'driving' is more natural here. Otherwise pronoun use is fine. Suggestion: 'while driving.'

× Oh this is a hard question since I'm fan of both but I prefer sea since I do scuba diving and I'm a fan of swimming.

✓ Oh, this is a hard question since I'm a fan of both, but I prefer the sea because I do scuba diving and I enjoy swimming.

Add 'a' before 'fan' for noun phrase correctness. Use 'the sea' when speaking of the sea in general. Use 'because' for clearer cause; replace repetitive 'I'm a fan of' with 'I enjoy.' Add commas for clarity. Suggestion: 'I'm a fan of both' and 'I prefer the sea because I do scuba diving and enjoy swimming.'

× However, I also do hiking on the mountain so this question is quite hard but I'm a fan of both.

✓ However, I also go hiking in the mountains, so this question is quite hard, but I'm a fan of both.

Use 'go hiking' instead of 'do hiking.' Use plural 'mountains' or 'on the mountain' -> 'in the mountains' is more natural. Add commas to separate clauses. Suggestion: 'I also go hiking in the mountains.'

× I'm a venturous person.

✓ I'm an adventurous person.

Use the adjective 'adventurous' rather than the uncommon 'venturous.' Use 'an' before a vowel sound. Suggestion: 'I'm an adventurous person.'