Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organised. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and unclear phrases (e.g. 'watch some Rd'). Use correct vocabulary (e.g. 'road', 'observe people') and limit to under five sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I enjoy observing the landscape and watching people go about their day, because it helps me relax and notice local life. For example, on my last bus trip I saw a busy market and several families walking along the road.

提案: Give a direct, confident response and support it with a clear reason and one brief example. Use linking words like 'because' and avoid filler words (uh, um). Use natural phrases such as 'I avoid taking photos while driving' instead of 'danger action'. Keep to two or three sentences.

例: No, I rarely take photos from a moving car because I think it is dangerous and distracting. For safety, I keep my phone in my bag, and if I want a photo I wait until we stop or I ask the driver to pull over.

提案: Answer directly which you prefer, then give two specific reasons using linking words (e.g. 'because', 'whereas'). Avoid vague or unclear expressions and reduce repetition. Use correct verbs and natural collocations (e.g. 'hike to the top', 'relax on the beach'). Keep to three sentences maximum.

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy hiking to the top and looking at wide panoramic views. In contrast, going to the sea is more about relaxing on the beach, which I like too, but I find mountain trips more active and rewarding.

× Yes, when I travel by bus or car I usually look at the window to watch some view and look and care for some people and watch some Rd. So yeah.

✓ Yes, when I travel by bus or car I usually look out of the window to enjoy the view, observe people, and watch the road.

The original sentence misuses verbs and noun phrases; 'look out of the window' is the correct phrasal verb, 'enjoy the view' is a natural collocation rather than 'watch some view', and 'watch the road' is correct instead of 'watch some Rd'. Also verbs should be parallel ('enjoy', 'observe', 'watch') to improve clarity. Suggestion: Use parallel gerunds or base forms after 'usually' and choose correct collocations: 'look out of the window to enjoy the view, observe people, and watch the road.'

× Uh, not really 'cause I think that is a danger action.

✓ Uh, not really because I think that is dangerous.

The phrase 'danger action' is ungrammatical. Use the adjective 'dangerous' to describe the action. Replace the informal 'cause' with 'because' in formal speech. Suggestion: Use 'dangerous' or 'a dangerous action' if you want a noun phrase: 'I think that is dangerous' or 'I think that is a dangerous action.'

× So when I'm still in the car, I also never, uh, bring my, uh, take away my phone to take photos.

✓ So when I'm in the car, I never take out my phone to take photos.

The original mixes verbs awkwardly ('bring', 'take away') and uses 'still' unnecessarily. The correct phrase is 'take out my phone'. Also adverb placement: 'never' should come before the main verb. Suggestion: Keep the negative adverb close to the main verb: 'I never take out my phone.'

× I prefer to see, 'cause, you know, the mountains, we should come the mountains and we should go to the top and watch the view.

✓ I prefer the mountains because you can go up to the top and enjoy the view.

The original has awkward structure and incorrect verb choices ('come the mountains'). Use a clear causal connector 'because' and a natural expression 'go up to the top' or 'climb to the top'. Use 'enjoy the view' instead of 'watch the view.' Suggestion: Keep sentences concise and use common collocations: 'I prefer the mountains because you can climb to the top and enjoy the view.'

× But when you go to the sea, you don't come anywhere. You just walk and you just go to the beach and lying, yeah.

✓ But when you go to the sea, there is less to explore; you usually just walk along the beach and lie down.

The phrase 'you don't come anywhere' is unclear. Use 'there is less to explore' to convey the idea. 'Lying' is a participle needing a subject and auxiliary; use 'lie down' or 'lie on the beach'. Keep verbs parallel ('walk' and 'lie down'). Suggestion: Express contrast clearly: 'there is less to explore; you usually just walk along the beach and lie down.'