Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No) then give one or two concise supporting details. Avoid filler words (like, umm) and reduce repetition. Use linking words for coherence (for example, however, when). Keep to 2–3 sentences and include a specific example.

例: Yes, I usually focus on my phone, but I sometimes look out the window when the view is interesting. For example, last month I stopped scrolling and took photos of a colourful sunset while travelling to my friend’s house.

提案: Give a clear, concise answer and support it with a specific reason and brief example. Remove redundant words (always, so) and avoid repeating the same idea. Use a linking word to connect reason and example.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window because I love capturing natural landscapes. For instance, I took many pictures of a mountain range last summer when the light was perfect.

提案: Answer directly, then explain with one clear reason for each preference using linking words (for example, however, because). Remove hesitations and filler sounds. Make sentences shorter and more precise, and give a concrete example or situation for each choice.

例: It depends on my mood. If I want peace and hiking, I prefer the mountains because I enjoy forests and quiet trails; for example, I often hike a local trail to clear my mind. However, if I want to relax and feel happy, I choose the beach to swim and listen to the waves.

× I am usually like busy on my phone so once maybe sometimes I take photos and look at the window while traveling.

✓ I am usually busy on my phone, so only sometimes I take photos and look out the window while traveling.

The sentence uses 'am usually like busy' which contains an unnecessary filler 'like' and an awkward adverb placement. This is a present tense description, so verbs should be simple present progressive for current state ('am usually busy') and simple present for habitual actions ('I take photos'). Move adverbs ('only sometimes') to a natural position. Also change 'look at the window' to 'look out the window' for correct preposition usage.

× Definitely, yeah, I always do that much, especially when the scenery is so fantastic and I like the nature, so I always do photography.

✓ Definitely, yeah, I always do that, especially when the scenery is fantastic and I like nature, so I always take photographs.

'Do that much' is an unnatural quantifier here; use 'do that' or 'do it often'. 'The nature' is incorrect article use; 'nature' is uncountable and does not need 'the'. 'Do photography' is less natural than 'take photographs'. Also avoid redundant 'always' twice; keep one for clarity.

× If like I'm a little bit bored I prefer going to the mountains since I see many umm sceneries, for example the trees and nature.

✓ If I'm a little bored, I prefer going to the mountains because I see many scenes, for example trees and natural scenery.

Use 'If I'm' without the filler 'like'. 'A little bored' is more natural than 'a little bit bored' but both are possible; add a comma after the conditional clause. 'Sceneries' is not commonly used; 'scenery' or 'scenes' is appropriate. 'Since' can mean 'because' but is sometimes ambiguous; 'because' is clearer here.

× However it's I I feel so good I prefer going to the beach and see the waves.

✓ However, if I feel very good, I prefer going to the beach and watching the waves.

Add comma after 'However'. Remove repeated 'I'. Use 'if I feel very good' to make the conditional clear. Use 'watching the waves' (or 'seeing the waves') rather than 'see the waves' to match the gerund after 'prefer going' pattern and maintain tense/aspect consistency.