Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and repetition, use a clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details connected with a linking word. Also correct small grammar errors (e.g., 'it give me' → 'it gives me'). Aim for 2–4 fluent sentences.

例: Yes. I often look out of the window when I'm travelling by bus or car because I enjoy seeing interesting views. For example, tall buildings and tree-lined streets catch my attention, and looking at them helps me relax and clear my mind.

提案: Eliminate filler words and be more specific about when and why you take photos. Use a linking word to connect reason to action. Keep the response concise and error-free.

例: Yes, I do. I usually take photos when the view is striking, for example of dramatic skyline or a beach. I take them because the scenery makes me feel relaxed and I want to keep the memory.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then give two concise, specific reasons using linking words. Avoid repeating words and fix subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'give me' → 'gives me').

例: I prefer the sea because the sound of the waves gives me a sense of calm, and the clear water and long beach walks help me relax. For instance, walking along the shore always helps me forget stress and recharge.

× I usually look out the window at the scenery when I'm traveling by bus or car, uh, when it's a good view, like, uh, with tall buildings, clean environment, uh, and lots of trees.

✓ I usually look out the window at the scenery when I'm traveling by bus or car, especially when there is a good view, such as tall buildings, a clean environment, and lots of trees.

Original sentence uses informal phrasing but has a specific grammar issue: incorrect use of 'when it's a good view' which is awkward and slightly ungrammatical; this falls under present tense / sentence structure issues. Replaced with 'when there is a good view' to correctly use the present 'there is' construction to describe existence of a view and made the list parallel and grammatically correct. Suggestion: use 'there is' to describe existence and keep parallel noun phrases separated by commas.

× I used to look out. It give me, uh, it give me Peace of Mind and I feel very relaxed at that time.

✓ I used to look out. It gave me peace of mind and I felt very relaxed at that time.

The verbs 'give' do not agree with the past tense 'used to'; this is a subject-verb agreement / past tense issue. Changed 'give' to past 'gave' and 'feel' to past 'felt' to keep consistent past tense. Also changed capitalization of 'Peace of Mind' to 'peace of mind' for standard usage. Suggestion: match verb tense across clauses and use lowercase for common nouns.

× when it's uh, when I can see beach outside the car window, I usually take photos because umm, I feel very relaxed and stress free.

✓ When I can see the beach outside the car window, I usually take photos because I feel very relaxed and stress-free.

Missing article 'the' before 'beach' is an article/preposition error and the phrase 'stress free' should be hyphenated as a compound adjective. This fits present tense/article issues. Added 'the' to specify the beach visible from the car and hyphenated 'stress-free'. Suggestion: use definite article 'the' when referring to a specific place visible in context and hyphenate compound adjectives before nouns.

× I prefer sea because the sound of waves umm, give me peace and uh the crystal clear water water is also very amazing.

✓ I prefer the sea because the sound of the waves gives me peace, and the crystal-clear water is also very beautiful.

Multiple errors: missing definite articles 'the' before 'sea' and 'waves', subject-verb agreement 'give' should be 'gives' for singular subject 'sound', and adjective use 'amazing' is acceptable but 'beautiful' is more natural; 'crystal clear' should be hyphenated as 'crystal-clear' when used as a compound adjective. Classified primarily as third person singular/subject-verb agreement issue. Suggestion: include definite articles where appropriate and make the verb agree with the singular subject; hyphenate compound adjectives.

× Umm umm beach walk. I really love beach walk and it give peace to my mind uh, and I think beach is a good place to escape from stress.

✓ I really love walking on the beach and it gives peace to my mind, and I think the beach is a good place to escape from stress.

Problems include missing verb in fragment 'beach walk' and subject-verb disagreement 'give' instead of 'gives', plus missing definite article 'the' before 'beach'. This is primarily present tense and sentence structure errors. Rewrote as 'I really love walking on the beach' to use correct verb form and added 'gives' and 'the beach'. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments by including a verb, ensure subject-verb agreement, and use 'the' for specific nouns.