Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer addresses the question and gives reasons, but it has grammatical errors, repetition, and some unclear phrasing. Keep answers concise (max 4–5 sentences). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words (for example, "because" or "also"). Avoid repeating the same idea ("enjoy the scenes" / "enjoy the nature") and fix common errors (e.g., "stay outside" → "look outside"; "a it" → remove).

例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I find the changing landscape relaxing. For example, seeing fields and small villages helps me unwind and sometimes inspires ideas for my writing. Also, when I travel alone it gives me time to reflect quietly.

提案: The answer is understandable but contains inappropriate or unclear content ("pictures give me a lot of money") and many hesitations. Be honest and specific: explain a realistic reason (memories, sharing with friends) and avoid filler words ("umm", "uh"). Use linking words ("because", "so", "and") to connect ideas and keep to 2–4 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery from the car window because they help me remember the trip and the light can look beautiful. I usually post a few on Instagram to share with friends, and later I look back at them as memories.

提案: Good direct answer with reasons, but remove hesitations and make details more specific. Use one clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting points or a brief comparison. Avoid vague phrases like "I believe" and refine grammar ("it also has" → "they also have").

例: I prefer the mountains because they offer peaceful walks and lush greenery that I enjoy. For instance, I like hiking forest trails and breathing fresh air, which feels more relaxing than crowded beaches.

× Yes, I do see outside because there are a lot of benefits of staying outside a it gives you perspective on so many things.

✓ Yes, I do look outside because there are a lot of benefits to looking outside; it gives you perspective on so many things.

The student used 'see outside' and 'staying outside a' incorrectly. Use 'look outside' for the action of directing your gaze (verb choice) and 'benefits to looking outside' (preposition and noun form). Also two independent clauses need separation; replace the misplaced 'a' and add a semicolon or conjunction. Suggestion: use 'look outside' and 'benefits to/of looking outside' consistently and connect clauses properly.

× You get to enjoy not only the sceneries but a deep thinking into your personal matters.

✓ You get to enjoy not only the scenery but also deep reflection on your personal matters.

'Scenery' is an uncountable noun, so 'sceneries' is incorrect. 'A deep thinking into' is awkward; use 'deep reflection on' or 'deep thought about'. Also add 'also' after 'but' in the correlative structure 'not only... but also'. Suggestion: use uncountable forms and correct collocations like 'deep reflection on'.

× Also, as I already mentioned, you enjoy the scenes, the nature.

✓ Also, as I already mentioned, you enjoy the scenery and nature.

'Scenes' is plural but 'scenery' is the correct uncountable noun for views. 'The nature' is unnatural in English; use 'nature' without the definite article. Suggestion: use 'scenery and nature' for natural views.

× Yes, I do take the pictures because pictures give me a lot of money.

✓ Yes, I do take pictures because pictures are valuable to me.

The original 'pictures give me a lot of money' is illogical and likely incorrect phrasing. Replace with 'pictures are valuable to me' or 'pictures bring me joy' depending on intended meaning. Also drop the article in 'take the pictures' unless referring to specific pictures. Suggestion: use 'take pictures' and a clearer expression of benefit.

× There are a lot of benefits of taking pictures.

✓ There are a lot of benefits to taking pictures.

Use the preposition 'to' with 'benefits' (benefits to doing something) rather than 'of' in this context. Suggestion: use set phrase 'benefits to taking pictures' or 'benefits of taking pictures' can be acceptable but 'benefits to' fits better with 'doing' gerund.

× Umm, it uh, I post them on Instagram.

✓ I post them on Instagram.

Fillers like 'Umm, it uh' are disfluent in spoken language and create an unclear subject 'it' before the clear subject 'I'. Remove extra words to produce a grammatical sentence. Suggestion: say plainly 'I post them on Instagram.' in tests.

× They also serve as memories.

✓ They also serve as memories.

This sentence is grammatically correct; kept as is. Explanation: 'They' correctly refers to pictures and 'serve as memories' is a valid collocation. No change needed.

× I also get amused uh, with whom I'm traveling with.

✓ I also enjoy the company of the people I'm traveling with.

'Get amused with whom I'm traveling with' is ungrammatical and contains a redundant 'with'. Use 'enjoy the company of the people I'm traveling with' or 'I also enjoy traveling with others'. Suggestion: avoid ending with redundant prepositions and use clear noun phrase 'the people I'm traveling with'.

× I prefer the mountains because mountains give you more, uh, scenic view I believe, and it also has beautiful greenery and the environment is really amazing.

✓ I prefer the mountains because they offer more scenic views, I believe, and they also have beautiful greenery and an amazing environment.

The original sentence has pronoun reference and number agreement issues: 'mountains give you... scenic view' mixes plural subject with singular 'view' and later 'it also has' incorrectly refers to mountains as singular. Use 'they' for mountains and plural 'views' or 'a more scenic view'. Also 'the environment is really amazing' is acceptable but better as 'an amazing environment' to match general description. Suggestion: keep subject-pronoun agreement and consistent singular/plural forms.