Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Good direct response with a clear topic sentence and a relevant example. To improve, shorten slightly to avoid redundancy and add a linking phrase to connect the general statement to the example. Also vary vocabulary a bit (e.g., use “countryside” and “rural villages” or “changing landscape” and “scenery”) and keep sentences concise (max 5).

例: Yes, I usually look out the window because I find the scenery relaxing. For example, when I travel by bus through the countryside, I enjoy watching the changing landscape and small villages, which helps me unwind and appreciate the journey.

提案: The answer is natural and relevant but slightly long-winded and has some grammatical slips. Make the main point in one clear sentence, then give one concise reason with a linking word. Avoid filler phrases and correct grammar (e.g., “thinking whether the photo has captured the scene” → “worrying whether the photo captured the scene”).

例: Not usually. I prefer to enjoy the moment because I don’t want to spend the journey looking at a screen or worrying whether a photo truly captures the scene.

提案: The answer gives a clear preference but has grammatical errors and some repetition. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., “I usually go trekking” and “beaches are nice”) and avoid informal fillers like “and yeah.”

例: I prefer the mountains. I love the sense of calm and the fresh air, and I usually go trekking to explore trails and viewpoints, whereas beaches are pleasant but less appealing to me for active hiking.

× Yes, I usually look out the window because I find the scenery relaxing and memorable.

✓ Yes, I usually look out of the window because I find the scenery relaxing and memorable.

Use the correct prepositional phrase 'look out of the window' or 'look out the window' is acceptable in some varieties, but 'look out of the window' is clearer and more standard in this context. Recommendation: use 'look out of the window' to avoid ambiguity.

× For example, while travelling by bus through a countryside, I enjoy watching the changing landscape and small villages, which helps me unwind and appreciate the journey.

✓ For example, while travelling by bus through the countryside, I enjoy watching the changing landscape and small villages, which help me unwind and appreciate the journey.

The noun 'countryside' is uncountable and should take no article or 'the' depending on context; here 'the countryside' is correct. Also, 'which' refers to 'the changing landscape and small villages' (plural), so the verb should be 'help' not 'helps'. Recommendation: use 'the countryside' and ensure verb agreement with plural antecedents.

× No, not often, because I'm a person who really likes to enjoy the moment and I don't want to spend my time in a screen and thinking that whether that photo has captured the full potential of that scenery.

✓ No, not often, because I'm someone who really likes to enjoy the moment and I don't want to spend my time looking at a screen and wondering whether a photo has captured the full effect of the scenery.

Multiple issues: 'a person' is grammatical but 'someone' sounds more natural. 'Spend my time in a screen' is incorrect: we say 'looking at a screen'. 'Thinking that whether' is ungrammatical; use 'wondering whether'. 'Full potential of that scenery' is awkward; 'full effect of the scenery' or 'the scene' is better. Recommendation: replace phrases as corrected and use 'wondering whether' for indirect questions.

× So I mostly enjoy the view and try to live in that moment.

✓ So I mostly enjoy the view and try to live in the moment.

The phrase 'in that moment' is not ungrammatical but 'in the moment' is the common idiom meaning fully present. Recommendation: use the idiomatic expression 'live in the moment'.

× Definitely, I'm a mountain person, I love the way I feel when I see mountains and I usually go for trekking to experience that.

✓ Definitely, I'm a mountain person; I love how I feel when I see mountains, and I usually go trekking to experience that.

Run-on sentence: two independent clauses were joined with commas. Use a semicolon or period and connectors. 'The way I feel' can be shortened to 'how I feel'. 'Go for trekking' is unidiomatic; use 'go trekking'. Recommendation: separate clauses properly and use idiomatic verbs.

× And yeah, beaches was all beaches also nice, but I think I prefer mountains more.

✓ And yeah, beaches are nice too, but I think I prefer mountains.

'Beaches' is plural so the verb must be 'are' not 'was'. The original phrase 'beaches was all beaches also nice' is ungrammatical and redundant. 'Also' and 'too' serve same function; choose 'too'. 'Prefer mountains more' is redundant; 'prefer mountains' suffices. Recommendation: use correct subject-verb agreement and simplify the phrase.