Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more concise and correct tense/grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and fix verb forms (e.g., use present simple consistently).

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. For example, I enjoy watching changing countryside scenes because they help me relax and forget daily worries, especially when the light or weather creates beautiful views.

提案: Clarify and correct sentences, use linking words and specific details. Avoid unclear phrases and tense mistakes. Mention frequency and a specific example briefly.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car, especially when I see a striking view or a dramatic sunset. For instance, on a recent trip to Beleni I photographed a vivid sunset over rolling hills because the colours were unusual and it looked picturesque.

提案: Answer directly using present simple and give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid tense inconsistency and vague phrasing; use precise vocabulary (e.g., “marine life” instead of “fishes”).

例: I prefer the sea because the sound of waves and the open horizon helps me feel calm and relaxed. For example, walking on the beach and watching marine life and boats clears my mind and lowers my stress.

× Yes, I do it very often because I found it great to enjoy the landscape and it's a way to relax the mind and forget all the problems and just focus on the natural views that are very, very beautiful.

✓ Yes, I do it very often because I find it great to enjoy the landscape and it's a way to relax the mind, forget problems, and just focus on the very beautiful natural views.

The sentence mixes past tense 'found' with present habit 'do'. Use present simple 'find' to match the habitual action. Also improve parallel structure by using consistent verb forms 'relax', 'forget', 'focus' and simplify redundancy. Use commas to separate items in the list for clarity.

× Yes, I really do it when I'm passing through a landscape and a view that I didn't ever so, and sometimes when the sunset is good.

✓ Yes, I really do it when I'm passing through a landscape or a view that I have never seen before, and sometimes when the sunset is beautiful.

The phrase 'I didn't ever so' is ungrammatical. Use present perfect 'have never seen' to indicate an experience up to now. Replace 'the sunset is good' with 'the sunset is beautiful' for natural description.

× For example, when I travel it to go to Beleni, I saw a very good landscape and I took photos.

✓ For example, when I traveled to Beleni, I saw a beautiful landscape and took photos.

Original has word order and tense issues: 'travel it to go to' is incorrect and awkward. Use simple past 'traveled' to match the completed trip and remove redundant subject in the second clause ('I' before 'took photos' can be omitted for conciseness). 'Very good landscape' is unnatural; use 'beautiful landscape'.

× I really enjoyed the sea because everything in the sea makes me feel more comfortable, calm and makes me relax.

✓ I really enjoy the sea because everything about it makes me feel comfortable, calm, and relaxed.

Mixes past 'enjoyed' with present general statement 'makes me'. Use present simple 'enjoy' for preference. Also use parallel adjectives/adverb forms: 'comfortable, calm, and relaxed' or 'makes me feel comfortable, calm, and relaxed.' Use 'about it' for natural phrasing.

× The beach, the water and all the things that I see over there, the fishes and everything, it's good for me and the land.

✓ The beach, the water, and all the creatures I see there, like fish, are good for me and for the land.

Pronoun 'it' does not agree with plural subject 'the beach, the water and all the things'. Use plural verb 'are'. 'Fishes' is usually 'fish' for general reference. 'Over there' is colloquial; use 'there'. Clarify 'and for the land' with repeated 'for' and use 'creatures' instead of vague 'things'.